Prisoner In My Own Body
by TracyCook
Summary: Damon Salvatore is sent to a mental institution when he is accused of killing his wife. He doesn't remember anything and thought it was all a dream. It completely devastates him. While in the institution he meets a young girl who struggles with addiction and self-harm. Her name is Bonnie Bennett and she really brings him back to life. Bamon romance with a few other couples.
1. Prisoner In My Own Body

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character.

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all.**

Rating: M

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

The cuffs around his wrists dug deep into his skin, cutting away at the veins there and adding to the marks that previously existed on them.

His clear blue eyes were covered with long dark bangs and his curly hair reached down to his shoulders. It was disheveled and it looked like he had just woken up. He was wearing a frown that told a deep and dark story. His shirt was a black t-shirt with a v-neck. He had on a leather jacket and a pair of torn up jeans and boots.

"Get in the car." The policeman pushed him down into the car, slamming his forehead against the door frame in the process.

The young man didn't even flinch. He could not feel any pain. It was like his body had gone completely numb. He couldn't believe what he was being accused of doing. It couldn't have been true.

It had only been a dream.

He couldn't have possibly done that. His body shook as he recalled what the police were accusing him of. His heart started to race loudly in his ears and he bit down hard on his cheeks causing them to bleed as he sat in the backseat and stared toward the front of the car. He felt completely trapped and claustrophobic. It caused his stomach to twist and bile to rise into his mouth.

Running a hand through his hair, he held onto his forehead tightly. Trying to alleviate his building headache. His eyes were fixated on the window and he was watching the scenery pass them by as he headed toward the insane asylum.

His mind was plagued with the hateful faces. The screams and protests as he was granted insanity charges. They had wanted to watch him die. They thought that getting off on insanity charges was too nice. They claimed he was faking it.

But, he wasn't.

He truly could not remember anything that had happened.

_"Damon!" He could hear her scream out in his memories. She was screaming out in fear, in desperation, like she needed him to hear her. He was staring through his eyes at her, but it wasn't him. He had no control over himself. _

_"Please, Damon, please! Snap out of it!"_

_Everything felt surreal. He could not move, he felt trapped in the darkness that surrounded him and all that he could see was her beautiful face twisted in pain and horror. It felt like he was staring through holes in a Halloween mask. It felt like he was someone else entirely.'_

But, it had all just been a dream.

At least he had thought it was a dream. Yet, when his blue eyes snapped open and he stared up at the ceiling he had a sinking feeling in his chest as a metallic scent filled his senses and made him sick. He wiped the sweat from his brow and moved the hair that was sticking to his face. He didn't dare turn to see what had happened. He simply lifted his hands and stared at the blood that stained them. In the distance he could hear the faint sounds of the ambulance.

Turning to his side his breath caught in his throat and tears filled his eyes.

Staring back at him were the vacant eyes of his love. They had once been full of happiness and emotion and now they were empty and blue.

He stood to his feet and threw his pillow off the bed, covering the sheets in bloody hand prints. Why were his hands bloody? He hadn't killed her? That hadn't been reality! It as only a dream.

Backing away from the bed he found himself pressed against the wall of their room. His hands running blood along the wallpaper that they had chosen together. His chest was heaving and his tears were rolling down his cheeks and over his exposed chest. It felt like he was going to pass out as he stared at the scene before him with horror written across his face.

His lover was dead.

They were to be married in May and his biggest fear was to lose her. He had been having nightmares about her dying for months now. He was so scared that she would be hurt, and now it was his reality.

_This man's tragedy has made him a prisoner in his own body. _

_And It's Not Just Tragedy. It's dementia, despair._

When he arrived to the ward it was nearly three in the morning. And he could tell by the prying eyes watching him that they were all internally judging him. His trials had been all over the news and they had practically made him look to be a fool. Saying that he was lying about his nightmares and being unconscious during the event.

They all believed that the murder was a conscious decision.

If only they could understand just how hard Damon was taking this. If only they could tell that he was not capable of doing something so evil. Not to the woman he had loved more than life itself. He would have died to let her be alive now. He could have never killed her.

Not ever.

He wanted to ask them what they were all looking at. He wanted to be sarcastic and spiteful. They had no right to make assumptions about him based on nothing but evidence. Evidence could be planted after all. He could have been drugged and placed there. His veins popped out in his arms as his muscles tensed and his jawbone was visible as he clenched his teeth together tightly.

Still, despite all of the looks, he did not say anything. He just followed the nurse into the other room where they wrapped his bicep up with the blood pressure monitor and wrote down his numbers. Then they weighed him and took all of the items that could possibly be used to harm others and stored them away until he got out.

Damon wasn't stupid though, he knew that he was never getting out.

They probably just threw his belongings away.

Finally, they took him into the cafeteria and a young woman sat down across the table from him. She had fear evident in her eyes as she pulled out a clipboard and a pen in order to ask him the same generic questions he had been asked over and over since his trial. They all wanted to analyze him, to understand him, to figure him out.

They wanted to make sense of him so that they could ease there minds.

It was hard enough to think that a human is capable of doing evil when they are awake, but to think that they are capable of doing so without even knowing it dwells deep within them, that was terrifying.

She stared into his eyes.

Searching for the answers.

_'It's these holes I can see in both of his eyes._

_Where all of the events that happen in this real world, Kind of Just fall through._

_It's loneliness in it's most crippling form._

_The kind that no amount of love, or human contact,_

_Could ever mend._

"Are you having suicidal thoughts?" The psychiatrist read it like a routine. Uninterested and disregarding his actual feelings.

She couldn't care less.

Damon cast his eyes down at his arms and nearly laughed at the question. It was ridiculously obvious. His arms were covered in open wounds, his skin so cut up that you could barely see anything but scabs and scars. His nails were bitten down as far as they could be and his pants were covered in blood where he had cut open his legs.

He wasn't proud of it. But, when he had lost his love, he felt no reason to be alive.

"Yes." He spoke sarcastically with a raise of his brows, his eyes widening as he spoke.

The woman ignored his tone. She must have been used to getting sarcastic responses to that question, because she didn't even flinch. She merely gave a slight shake of her head and wrote down his answer. Then continued on to the next question, "Are you sleeping well?"

"I haven't slept in weeks." Damon spoke honestly. He hadn't been able to sleep since what happened with his wife. He had become an insomniac, if only to keep himself from accidentally murdering anyone else that he loved. It was extremely terrifying to feel like you had no control over your body, like you were trapped behind the eyes of someone else in control of you. He was a marionette on strings and he didn't trust himself anymore.

He didn't know what he was capable of anymore.

"That isn't healthy for you. We may need to prescribe you sleeping medication."

"I don't want it."

"Why not?"

"I don't wanna sleep."

They shared a look that said that she was worried about that answer, then she wrote something down in her notes. Undoubtedly judgmental. It amazed him that people were actually paid to over-analyze and judge other people.

"Can I ask why not?" She wondered.

As if she didn't already know the answer. "Well." His lips twisted up into an almost demented grin as he told her, "I wouldn't want to kill anyone, now would I?"

This silenced her and she coughed and continued on with her questioning. "How about your appetite? Have you been eating regularly?"

"Nope." He stated simply.

"I would really appreciate it if you would take these questions seriously."

"Why should I?" Damon raised his brows. "No one seems to want to take what I have to say seriously? So why not just feed them the shit that they obviously want to hear?"

"If we are going to help you then we need you to answer these questions honestly."

"You have no plans to help me. Don't act like you do." He was bitter. He hated that no one took the time to actually listen to his concerns, to his fears, to his worries. He was horrified that he had killed his wife and that he didn't remember it and yet all anyone could do was be extremely harsh and judgmental. "You all keep asking me the same questions and every time that I tell you the truth you all act like I'm just lying to get out of trouble. So, what's the point?"

She didn't say anything to that.

Her eyes were now connected to his and she felt herself believing him. She had been told to not buy into his lies. To not believe him. They had told her that he was a genius and he knew exactly what he had done. But, right now, she could see honesty shimmering behind those eyes.

Maybe this was what they meant when they said that he was maniacal and could trick her into anything. Or maybe, just maybe, he was telling the truth.

_I know he seems fine._

_But **'Seems'** can be a very dangerous word, especially in this business._

_It can be fatal._

"Do you remember anything from that night?"

"No more than what I already told them."

She stared up at him and sighed. "Damon, I need you to cooperate with me. Please, tell me what you remember."

He cast his eyes away from her and he dug his nails into his legs through his pants as he recalled that night. That night had haunted him for a month straight and it made him physically ill. What the therapists and police didn't understand was that he wanted to know what had happened just as badly as they did. He wanted to prove himself innocent. He wanted to find the person responsible and slaughter them with his bare hands.

Even if he found out it was him. If he had truly killed her, then he deserved to die.

He deserved to be punished.

"I remember." Damon started and then he swallowed hard and glanced down at his hands. His stomach twisting in thoughts. It suddenly felt like there was a giant lump stuck in his throat, he could hardly breathe. "I don't remember much." He sighed.

"Just tell me whatever it is that you remember."

"I remember having these terrible nightmares for weeks and sleepwalking. My wife would find me standing over her and staring down at her, but I was completely asleep. When she woke me up I was terrified because my dreams had been of her being brutally murdered. I was watching it happen, but I couldn't control it." Damon's voice broke and he sucked in his tears. He didn't dare show his vulnerability. "She tried to get me to go and talk to someone, but I refused. I was too stubborn."

She could hear the self-hatred saturating his words as he spoke about his own stubbornness. She could tell that he blamed himself. That he thought that if he would have just listened to her and gone to talk to someone about his sleepwalking and nightmares then nothing would have happened. His wife would be alive.

Despite her best interest, she believed his words.

"She always told me I was too stubborn." He laughed and shook his head.

Damon spoke about her memory with fondness, with love, and with passion. It was the same way that someone spoke about a lost loved one. She could tell he didn't want her to die.

After collecting himself, he continued to explain that night. "It had been weeks of these nightmares, so that night..." He paused and forced his tears away. "I was already expecting the dreams. I didn't think anything of them. I knew that they weren't real. At least I thought that they weren't real. But, when I woke up I."

He couldn't keep speaking yet and the therapist respected that. Giving him a second to collect himself and offering him a small helpful smile.

"I had her blood all over my hands." He stared down at them disgusted. "She was mutilated and sprawled out on my bed and it was just like my dream. But, it was only a dream. I didn't kill my wife. I would never kill her."

She believed him.

_The patient was plagued by violent nightmares, terrible, deeply troubling dreams._

_Which one night overflowed into reality, and he murdered his wife, in his sleep._

_These people were in love, deeply in love._

_And it was that love filling those holes that I can now see behind his eyes._

Honestly, she had never witnessed a patient so broken.

So afraid of himself. So hateful of himself. That was what gave him away to her. His actions spoke louder than his words. Some people could convince you with their words that they cared, but his actions told her that he really did love the woman. He was going through a loss and he deserved some compassion.

She didn't know how else to show the young man compassion then to allow him to get some rest and put an end to the questioning. There would always be plenty of time for that later. It was the middle of the night and he looked past the point of exhaustion. Offering him a smile she said, "We can finish this tomorrow. I'll show you to your room so that you can get some rest."

Damon furrowed his brow in confusion as he stared across the table at her.

No one had ever shown him compassion or understanding. Not since the incident.

He nodded his head and stood to his feet following her toward the main hallway of the ward.

Suddenly, his eyes landed on a young girl who was at least five years younger then him. She was sitting out in the main living room with her hood up and her green eyes fixated on the television. The light from the television reflected off of her beautiful caramel skin and full lips and he couldn't help but admire her beauty.

He was nowhere near ready to be in a new relationship. But, he could still admire someone who was as beautiful as her.

Damon wondered who she was and what had brought her there.

His thoughts were interrupted by the therapist as she opened his door and spoke to him. "You are in room 102. You are to keep this door open at all times. If you need a shower please do ask one of us nurses to watch your door." She didn't outright say that she didn't trust him, but it was implied. He assumed that that was protocol. They couldn't trust people here. People here had done terrible things. Especially him.

With a nod of his head, he headed inside and pulled his shirt over his head.

His eyes glanced down at his toned exposed chest and his eyes glazed over with tears he didn't dare shed. Written across his chest was the name of his dead wife. He had carved it into his chest when she had died. He had wanted to always live with the reminder of what he had possibly done to her, of how he had lost her and it was all due to his own stubborn nature.

Falling down on the bed, he gripped the sheets tightly and stared ahead.

He knew that he would not be capable of sleep.

And he wasn't allowed to have pens or notebooks so he could not stay up and write. So he simply thought.

_And it's my job to try and fill those holes with something else._

_But with what? _

_Hope? _

_I can try to fill those holes with drugs, soothing words, but that's all._

_I hope his wounds will heal with time, but right now, things aren't looking good._

* * *

**Authors Note: **

**I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter! I am really interested in writing this story! The next chapter will explain a little why Bonnie is there and it will have them meet each other. Rebekah and Caroline will also be in this story and probably Kol and Quinn and Rachel. But the main relationship will probably be Bamon. Please do tell me what you guys think! **

**I honestly don't know if you guys will want me to continue this fic or not. So if y'all leave me some reviews I will try and update ASAP!**

**Thank you all for reading! I love you all so much! :)**

**Seriously, you guys are the best!**

**-Tracy Cook**


	2. Make This A Dream

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character.

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all.**

Rating: M

**Make This A Dream**

Blue eyes were fixated intently on the window in his room.

Through the bars he could see the rising sun and he let out a small sigh of relief, allowing himself to finally relax. He had made it another day without sleep and that meant that he had made it another day without unintentionally hurting anyone.

More than anything, Damon wanted to trust in himself. But, the cold hard reality of the situation was that he couldn't any longer. He couldn't trust that he was even alive. That the existence around him wasn't all some hallucination. That he wasn't still dreaming and would wake up any minute to find that his reality was back to the way it used to be. Or,God forbid, that this was his reality and in his sleep he was homicidal.

All of those were possible truths.

Damon simply did not know which one of them was.

Gripping the blankets tightly between his fingers and furrowing his brow he thought about the final option. That was the option that scared him the most. He was terrified that in his sleep he had imagined murdering the woman that he loved more than life itself, and then he had done it unconsciously. The thought of brutally torturing and killing his wife made his stomach twist and the need to vomit to rise. Leaning over the side of the bed he held onto his stomach tightly and released his insides all over the concrete ground.

He couldn't seem to keep anything that he ate down since the incident.

Every time that he thought about what had happened, he would lose his stomach.

Suddenly, he heard a knocking at his door and he wiped the remaining bile from his lips as he slung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. The man pushed the door open a little more and smiled at him. "It's breakfast time."

Damon watched him turn and leave the room with complete and utter disbelief written in the lines of his face. Had he really not noticed the vomit all over the ground? Did the man really care that little about his safety and health? _'I guess most the people here just want me dead, so yeah, they probably don't care much about my well-being.' _He thought sarcastically to himself.

He shook his head and sighed as he stood to his feet and headed toward the door. Opening it, he stuck his head out and called out to one of the young women who worked there. "How'd you like to come and watch me shower?" He waggled his eyebrows playfully.

Of course, he wasn't actually hitting on her. He didn't even find her to be attractive. _'Not like that girl in the hoodie...' _Damon just felt extremely awkward about the idea of having someone watch him while he showered. It made him feel like he was incapable, and he wasn't. He wasn't just going to kill himself or someone else while he was taking a shower. So, his way of coping was to joke.

The woman didn't seem too pleased though and she quickly told one of the larger men to accompany Damon.

"Ah." Damon grinned from one ear to the other, his lips twisting up deviously as he stared up at the taller man. "You're more my type anyway." He teased.

"Your towels are in the bathroom." The man said. Completely ignoring everything that the younger man had said to him. It was evident that he had been working at the ward long enough to know how to deal with sarcasm and stupidity. "I'll sit out here and watch the door."

_'He's the first guy that doesn't seem completely terrified of me... That's a nice change.' _He noticed.

Opening the bathroom door he sent one final flirtatious grin over his shoulder and a wink in the guy's direction. "Feel free to join me."

The man said nothing. Instead, he took a seat on one of the chairs and crossed his arms over his wide chest, staring at the door. _'What a weird job.' _Damon concluded before heading into the bathroom and unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down. He then pulled down his boxers and climbed into the shower. Turning on the warm water and humming as it hit his skin.

He had always loved taking showers.

It was like as the warmth enveloped him, all of his worries washed away with it.

This time the shower was different though.

Every time that the water hit his skin it hit the cuts etched into his flesh and it stung. It was a reminder of the pain that he had inflicted on himself and the pain that he had possibly inflicted on his wife. Staring down at his chest he noticed that the scab was peeling away from the letters carved into it. The letter K was bleeding again and the blood was rolling down his legs and into the water. Staining it red.

The open wounds on his legs were so deep that the doctors had to put stitches in them to keep them shut, but the stitches were breaking and they looked like they would tear open at any moment.

He hoped that they would. He deserved to suffer endlessly for what he had done.

And in a way, the pain that he was feeling. The constant burning as the water hit his skin. Reminded him that he must be alive. That all other theories about him not existing or being in a dream were lies. This was his reality.

His reality was an existence alone without her.

Wet curls hung down over his face, hiding his eyes as he lent forward and rested his arms against the wall for support. His blue eyes were shimmering with tears that fell easily, hidden behind the water. His body shook, muscles tensed, and his breathing was labored. He felt as though he was suffocating and on some level he wished that he would.

_'The Lines I Wear Around My Wrists,_

_Are To Prove That I exist.'_

Damon was wearing his same torn up jeans and his v-neck as he finally made his way out of his room. They hadn't allowed him to keep his leather jacket, or he would have been wearing it too. Apparently those could be dangerous. Then again, if he had really wanted to kill someone, he could kill them easily. It was just something that gave people a false illusion of safety.

He respected that.

People needed their illusions and their beliefs.

His running a hand through his long hair, he pushed it out of his eyes and glanced around the main room of the ward. There was a big-screen television and recliners lined up in front of it. It kind of baffled him just how easy life could be for him for the next few years that they kept him locked up. He had a bed to sleep in, didn't have to pay rent or work, he got to sit and watch TV all the time, and meals served to him._  
_

_'You'd think they'd make this place a little less comfy so people would want to get better.' _

Smiling to himself, he glanced around the room in search of the woman that he had witnessed sitting out there the night prior. Damon found himself insanely curious about what had brought her in. But, sadly he didn't see her sitting out in the main room.

He couldn't blame her. She'd gone to bed after three in the morning.

With a shrug of his shoulders, he walked toward one of the recliners and took a seat in it. Propping the foot-rest out so that he could cross his legs over the top of it and stare up at the television. Most of the other people were in the other room enjoying their meals, so he had the room mostly to himself.

Damon watched the picture on the screen and for once in a months time he finally felt like he was capable of letting some of the terrible thoughts leave his mind. His mind got tangled up in the story-line of the show and he completely forgot about reality.

That was, until one of his therapists walked up to him and asked, "You aren't eating breakfast?"

He continued to look at the television. "Nope."

"Why not? They are having a great meal in there right now-"

"-I'm not hungry, doc." Damon interrupted, finally shooting him an annoyed glare and a smirk.

"Can I have a word with you?" The therapist asked. His words made it a question, but his tone of voice made it a statement. Damon knew that he was going to be forced to go and talk to him no matter what.

"Can it wait til this shows over. I'm kinda in the middle of it." He paused and waggled his brow. "And I really wanna know who the killer is."

On some level Damon knew that joking about murder was not the right thing to do. It wasn't the right thing to do for his case, nor was it the right thing to do for his conscience. But, he always had a way of making things worse on himself and making inappropriate jokes.

His therapist didn't look amused. "No, it cannot. I am sorry, but it is hospital policy to turn off the television if you refuse to talk with me."

"If it's hospital policy, then why'd ya even ask?" He spit back annoyed, standing to his feet and allowing the therapist to lead him to another side of the ward.

Damon took a seat across from the other man and he looked him over with curious blues. He couldn't understand how a man who was barely older than himself was qualified to judge him and tell him what was going on inside of his head. In fact, he didn't know how anyone could understand what was going on inside his head. He wasn't just another case. Another "crazy" person locked away. He was an individual with an individual personality and individual circumstances that got him locked up.

It was not as simple as, _'He was abused as a child and that is why he acts this way.' _

At least it was not that simple with him. Because, he didn't act that way. He didn't kill people with conscious effort. He didn't kill people.

"Are you feeling any better today, Damon?" The man asked this with little concern, his eyes glued to his chart. All he cared about was filling it out, not what happened to him.

Damon's lips quirked up and his eyes widened as he lent his chin against his hands and stared across the table at him. "Let me ask you something, doc."

"Okay." He looked uncertain, but agreed.

"Have you ever lost someone that you loved more than anything in the world?" His voice was full of sincerity and pain.

"Yes. I have."

"Okay." Damon laughed a little and shook his head. "Well, how would you feel if when you lost that person, you didn't only have to deal with the grief and guilt that you put on yourself. What if you had to deal with the accusing eyes and hatred of others and yourself because you were accused of killing that person? What if you tried so hard to remember that night, but you couldn't, you couldn't remember if you were the one responsible for killing the one that you loved? How would you feel?"

He had nothing to say in response to those questions and so he decided to completely ignore them. That had seemed to be protocol, Damon had noticed. When they didn't know whether or not to believe him they just turned their heads away and continued on with their questions. It was disgusting. No one would listen to him. No one would actually pay attention to what he was telling them.

"Have you still been having homicidal nightmares?"

_'Why don't you come right out and ask the tough questions. Gah.' _He thought to himself as he stared down at his wrists and picked away at the scabs. "No."

"Have you been having any nightmares at all?"

"No."

"How have you been sleeping, Damon?" The therapist wondered. His voice was soaked in deceit and false concern. He couldn't care less what Damon said as long as he got paid at the end of the day.

"I haven't been." This time he sounded sarcastic when he answered.

"Is it that you are worried that you might do something like this again?"

There it was. The question that really made Damon stop and think about what he was asking. _'Am I worried it will happen again?' _He had been battling with that question for weeks now. Sometimes he was scared that it would happen again, other times he had completely convinced himself that it was only a dream and that the death was a separate event. It was all just a coincidence. He hated even the thought of being the one responsible for killing the woman he loved.

"What exactly are you implying that I did?" Damon asked bitterly when he finally came to his senses.

His therapist looked like he didn't want to say the words, 'You Killed Your Wife.' So, instead he gave him a look that said, 'You know what I'm talking about.'

Letting out a sigh, he tried to explain what he was feeling to the doctor. Even though he knew he would twist his words around and use them against him later. "I'm worried that if I sleep I might start to have the nightmares again." Damon explained honestly and the therapist nodded along with him. So far it was making plenty of sense. "You see, I don't think that I could... " He paused and choked back the rising bile in his throat. "I don't think that I could have ever hurt her. But, maybe these dreams are some kinda psychic vision type thing-ys and what I dream about actually comes true."

The therapist's face fell and Damon could tell he no longer believed him. Why would no one ever believe him?

"You believe that your dreams can tell you the future before it happens?"

"Why not?" His voice broke with desperation and sorrow. He couldn't handle the alternative. "I mean, I've heard of a lot crazier things happening."

"Do you think that perhaps you are avoiding something? With these false claims to be a psychic and the way that you refuse to sleep? Maybe you want to blame the dreams for your actions? For your homicidal thoughts? It could be your coping mechanism."

Damon furrowed his brow and scowled at the man sitting before him. Of course he would come up with some ridiculous reasoning to explain his words. Of course he would twist them around in order to make him sound crazy. _'I fucking hate therapists.' _He concluded. "Look, I'm not coping with any homicidal thoughts. I don't have homicidal thoughts. I just don't remember what happened that night and I'm trying to understand. I wanna know just as bad as you guys do."

He felt sick again as he mentioned the night. Damon could still smell her blood on his hands.

"First things first. I need to prescribe you with some sleeping pills."

"I don't want to sleep." His voice shook as he spoke through grit teeth and a clenched jaw. He couldn't believe that the doctor was giving him medication after he had just told him that he was afraid of his dreams.

"This is standard procedure for patients who are not sleeping well. These pills will suppress your dreams and allow you to sleep peacefully through the night with no worries."

_'Suppress my dreams? Suddenly these pills aren't looking so bad...'_

Damon was still uncertain about the drugs but he nodded his head and forced a smile. The worst case scenario, he wouldn't take them.

"Also, we need to put you on an anti-psychotic."

"I'm not psychotic."

"We don't think that you are. But, with the symptoms you are having we thought it would be best." Damon gave him a look of frustration and the therapist sighed. "We only have your best interest in mind, Damon. You have nothing to worry about. These medications are to help make you feel better."

"I don't need meds to help make me feel better." Damon told him angrily, almost desperately. "I just need someone to believe me."

_'Marvel at this Madman, as this makeshift-monster rips through the room._

_Watch in fear as he comes completely unglued._

_Gaze in horror and amazement for a frightened instant,_

_As he christens the walls with broken bottles of perfume._

_Her few final moments, must have been a nightmare in waking,_

_Victimized, violently shaking.'_

Damon was sitting in the main room of the ward with his legs crossed and propped up on the leg-rest. He had his body buried into the cushions of the recliner and his arms crossed over his chest as he watched another show on television. It was quickly becoming his release. When he was watching the television he didn't think about anything aside from the characters on the screen. He related to their lives and he wished to be free like they were again some day. To find happiness again someday.

As of yet, he hadn't attended any of the groups.

And he didn't plan on it.

Every time that a group was in session it put a damper on the show he was watching, because they were forced to turn off the television, but he still didn't feel like getting up and going to group. He didn't want to sit around and talk about his feelings with other people. It was obvious that no one else understood what he was going through.

They didn't care to.

This time when they came to turn off the television they turned to Damon and asked, "Have you been to any groups today?"

"No." He shot them a glare and they actually looked scared of him. He wondered if he really looked like he was that intimidating.

"We are doing a group on Managing Stress right now and you are required to attend at least one group a day. This is the last group of the evening, so you have to attend."

Damon couldn't believe it. It was bad enough that he had to be trapped within the walls of the ward as well as trapped within his own body, but now he was being forced to go to group and learn all about managing his stress? "Really? Stress management?" He laughed and stood to his feet, stretching out his limbs. "I think I manage my stress just fine." He stated in a snark-y tone.

Everyone in the room knew what he was accused of doing and they gave him looks of disgust. Was he implying that he dealt with his stress by killing people? He dealt with the stresses of his marriage by killing his wife? "That is highly inappropriate." The woman said, with those judgy eyes.

"I exorcise." His grin twisted across his face as he walked past the woman who had automatically jumped to assumptions. "There's nothing inappropriate about that, right?" He asked with a raise of his brows.

"Oh-uh-no. I uh, I guess not."

"Didn't think so." With that, Damon shoved his hands into his pockets and headed toward the room where group was being held. He still couldn't believe that people would jump to such terrible assumptions about him. _'Okay, yeah. Maybe I was teasing her a bit, but COME ON! Does she really think I would do something like that?'_

_'My God, make this a dream._

_Because, I really can't believe that she's gone._

_We'll wake up and she'll be next to me._

_My God, make this a dream.'_

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Thank you all so much for all of your wonderful comments! **

**I love you guys so much! I got so many amazing reviews that I decided to add the next chapter to this fic! :) Please tell me what you guys think of it! The next chapter will finally have Bonnie and Damon meeting and striking up a friendship! What do you think is going on with Damon? What do you want to see with Bonnie? Please offer me feedback!**

**Oh and I will be updating my other Bamon stories as well shortly! :)**

**Thank you all for reading!**

**I love you guys!**

**-Tracy Cook**


	3. The Fine Art Of Making It Out Alive

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character.

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all. This chapter contains implied rape.**

Rating: M

**The Fine Art Of Making It Out Alive**

It was rare that the young woman found the strength to push herself out of bed and wander out into the main area of the ward. Usually she only did so in order to eat her meals and attend the one group that she was required per day. Even then, she had to have someone come to her room and practically pry her from the sheets.

When she left the room she spent her time alone. She never spoke to anyone at the ward, not even during the groups.

She didn't want to talk about her problems with complete strangers who would judge her for her actions. She didn't want to open up. She just wanted to sleep away her worries.

Even sleep was tormenting now. The drugs that she had consumed over the last few years had scrambled her brain and she could no longer decipher between dreams and reality. Her doctors said that she had given herself drug induced schizophrenia. Which basically meant that she had taken so many hallucinogens that her mind caused her to have hallucinations at all times now.

Like, right now.

Bonnie clung onto the sheets of her bed as she stared across the room. She couldn't tell if she was sleeping or if she was trapped in another one of her hallucinations. It seemed so real. Laying on the floor in front of her bed was the dead body of her grandmother. Her throat was sliced open and there was blood gushing from the wound, staining the cement. She was reaching out to her with a terrified look on her face. She was trying to get to her granddaughter, she was begging her to save her.

But, she couldn't move. She was paralyzed in fear.

"Grams." She spoke under her breath, her voice cracking with emotion and her green eyes filling with tears. "Grams!"

This time she screamed out and reached for her grandmother, but it seemed like the further she reached the further away the woman got from her. She couldn't reach her. She couldn't save her. "Grams!" She screamed loudly, thrashing around in her bed and crying as the woman once again died before her very eyes.

Suddenly, the door to her room was pushed open and light entered the room causing Bonnie to snap her head in the direction of the door. She saw one of the workers smiling at her and giving her a look of concern. "Are you feeling alright, sweetie?"

"I'm feeling fine." She lied, wiping the sweat from her brow and sitting up in the bed. "I was just having a nightmare."

Bonnie wanted to get out of the metal hospital soon, so she had been doing her best to feed the doctors and workers what they wanted to hear. She figured that if they believed that the hallucinations were getting better then they would let her go.

"Have you been taking your sleeping medication?" The woman pried.

That was there job. They were paid to pry.

"Yeah." She said with a forced smile. "I guess I just forgot to take them last night."

She wrote something down in her notebook and Bonnie wondered what she was writing. She hoped that she had not caught on to the lie. "Did you get up to eat breakfast this morning?"

"No." Bonnie said. "I was too tired."

"Are you planning on getting up for dinner?"

"I really don't feel like it." She admitted. Sometimes it was annoying how concerned these people pretended to be. They wanted her to eat because they were "worried" that she was depressed and that was why she wasn't eating. It was like they couldn't understand that she was depressed and not eating because she just wanted to get out of the facility. If she was out of the ward then she would be eating just fine.

"Are you sure you are feeling alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired." With that she relaxed back into her bed and rolled over on her side, facing away from the worker. It was her way of saying that she was done talking and she just wanted to sleep. She didn't want to open up about her feelings and pour her soul out to the young woman who didn't care anything about her.

The woman took the hint and she dismissed herself. Writing something else on her chart, she stood to her feet and headed out of the room.

Tears rolled down her cheeks and stained the mattress as she reached up and traced her fingertips delicately over the scar that ran across her neck. It was a wide scar that went from one ear to the other and it caused her to shudder as she felt the raised skin. Bonnie tried to push away the memories, but they forced their way back into her mind. She could recall those bloodstained nights. Those nights that she lost everything that she loved.

_'Kiss Me On The Forehead, Angel, Before I Go To Sleep._

_I Can't Remember If It's Thursday Or December._

_My Mangled Memory Is Making Me Mistake Misfortune For Forgiveness.'_

**_'A young Bonnie Bennett was sitting beside her Grams beside the Christmas tree. It was Christmas Eve and the young girl was watching the presents beneath the tree with such eagerness and excitement glimmering behind her eyes. She couldn't wait to rip them open and see what she had gotten. There was the scent of Grandmas famous gingerbread cookies wafting through the house and the lights flickering on the tree were mesmerizing. She could remember counting each and every one of them._**

**_It was just the two of them. It always was just the two of them._**

**_Her mother had disappeared when she was younger and she had never saw her again. Her father was away for work and he rarely visited. His daughter wasn't a priority of his. He preferred money to affection._**

**_"What are you hoping for this year, child?" Her Grams asked with a knowing smile on her face as she watched the fire burn beside them. She knew exactly what her sweet granddaughter wanted._**

**_"I already told you what I wanted, Grams." Bonnie's lips twisted up playfully. "I want a new wardrobe. This is my first year of high school and I really want to impress them all when I come back after break." _**

**_"I still think you shouldn't worry yourself so much with what other people think." _**

**_"I know, but I really want to make it into the popular group."_**

**_The older woman shook her head at her and laughed a little. She could understand wanting to hang out with the popular kids. She was young too once upon a time ago. But, she just wished that Bonnie would understand just how special she was. She didn't need to dress up in expensive clothes to live up to some expectations that kids put on her. _**

**_"You will be very happy with your present then, Bonnie." Bonnie's smile stretched even further across her face when her Grams pretty much told her that she was getting everything that she wanted for Christmas. "But, I want you to do something for me okay?"_**

**_"What is it, Grams?"_**

**_"I want you to always remember where you come from. I want you to remember that no matter what happens with those popular kids, you are a special girl. You are unique and talented and you are going to make something wonderful of your life. It doesn't matter how much money you have, it matters that you have a big heart. And you do."_**

**_Her eyes widened and she reached over to hug her grandmother tightly. "Thank you so much! I love you, Grams."_**

**_"I love you too."_**

**_Suddenly, the two of them heard a rustling noise outside and they looked in the direction of the sound. Outside they could see shadows moving past the window and they both gave each worried looks. "Get to the cellar, child." _**

**_Bonnie didn't want to leave her there alone, so she protested. "I'm not leaving you alone."_**

**_"I need you to listen to me right now and do as I say." _**

**_She wanted to protest again, but the look that her grandmother was giving her told her that she needed to do as she was told. She hated disobeying her. Quickly, she stood to her feet and ran toward the kitchen heading down the stairs into the cellar and hiding underneath the stairs._**

**_Bonnie's breathing was ragged as she sat on the cold cement and dragged her knees tightly against her chest, her fingernails digging into the skin of her legs as she tried to listen to what was going on upstairs. She could hear her grandmother screaming and then she could hear the sound of a man screaming back at her. Then there was a sudden thud. She wanted to jump up and run upstairs to protect her Grams, but she had been told not to. So, instead she listened as the woman screamed out in pain._**

**_Finally, she couldn't take it any longer. Her skin was crawling with disgust and she pushed herself up and started back up the stairs and into the kitchen._**

**_She moved slowly. Inching her way toward the living room and trying not to bring attention to herself. Bonnie just wanted to make sure that her grandmother was alright. _**

**_What she saw caused her to break._**

**_Her stomach twisted into knots and she screamed at the top of her lungs. She hadn't even meant to scream, but she couldn't help it. Her grandmother was tied up to a chair with her throat cut open. Blood was rushing down her neck and over her chest and her eyes were glued on her. They were cold and blue and she knew that the woman was dead. She was no longer moving. Bonnie knew that she should stop screaming and do something. Save her, call the cops, run for her life, but all she could do was scream._**

**_One of the men moved toward her and grabbed onto her arm. "Shut the fuck up." He told her._**

**_She didn't do as she was told. Instead, she struggled to get out of his arms and she screamed so loudly that it hurt. She hoped that the neighbors would hear her and call the police. _**

**_"I said shut the fuck up!" He screamed and threw her down on the ground. _**

**_His partner moved toward her and placed a piece of tape over her mouth to prevent her from screaming. Her heart was hammering loudly in her chest and it felt like she was going to suffocate to death. The fear was overwhelming. She felt paralyzed by it. And as she tried to move, the man grabbed a hold of her again and pushed her up against one of the walls._**

**_"This ones actually pretty hot." He said. The man had to be at least twenty years older than Bonnie and his breath wreaked of alcohol. _**

**_She squirmed in his hands and was forced to swallow the vomit that rose in her mouth. "Mmm..." She moaned out loudly against the tape and he grinned at the sound. Enjoying her pain. _**

**_"Sounds like she wants it too." _**

**_"We just came here to rob the joint, we don't got time for this, just kill the bitch." The other guy said._**

**_"We got time!" He screamed back. "Come on." Leaning down he whispered against Bonnie's ear and she cringed and let another frightful whimper. "Just a little taste."_**

**_Bonnie heard his zipper and she closed her eyes. She had never had sex with a man before. She was still a virgin and all that she could remember was the pain and the blood. Then he was done._**

**_Next thing she knew, she had a knife to her throat and the other man yelled. "I'm done getting the stuff. Finish her off!"_**

**_The man stared deep into her eyes. His eyes were dark and cold and she could still remember them to this day. They still haunted her nightmares. Placing the tip of his knife just below her ear he smiled and she suddenly realized that she was going to die. In a few minutes she would be dead. It was the worst feeling in the world._**

**_He dug the knife into her throat and she screamed against the tape in pain as he drag it across her throat from one ear to the other and laughed as she started to bleed and choke on her own blood. Her breathing was even more hindered because of the tape on her mouth. _**

**_With that the two men ran out of the house and left her there to die._**

**_She could see her Grams hand as she stared across the room at the chair. Blood was dripping off of her fingertips and Bonnie knew in that moment she was dead. She prayed that there was a God. That she would get a second chance. And with the sound of sirens and lights flashing, she passed out.'_**

_'I Don't Think I'll Make It Out Alive._

_So Promise Me That You'll Survive To Bury Me.'_

Bonnie gasped for air as she recalled the feeling as the life was drained from her body. She dug her nails into the scar and she screamed out into her pillow in pain. She wanted more than anything to release all of the feelings that she had. The feelings of guilt, of longing, of loss, the feelings of hatred.

Since the incident she had hated everyone. Everyone in her small town had quickly found out about her Grams and her being attacked and they hadn't sympathized with her. They had made fun of her. Called her a freak. The "popular" kids that she had wanted to fit in with so badly were the worst. They pushed her around and told her that she was a monster.

There was only one group of people who didn't judge her.

_**'She reached up and played with the fresh scar she wore around her neck like a necklace. **_

**_They had put her into a foster family. The family was sweet and they tried to be understanding, but Bonnie couldn't bring herself to ever love them. Deep down she hated them. Even though she knew that what had happened wasn't their fault, she hated them because they weren't her family. They weren't her Grams._**

**_She missed the woman ever day. She wanted to go back and tell her that she loved her, thank her for the presents that she never opened. She wanted just one more day to spend with her._**

**_But, those men had taken it all away._**

**_Bonnie no longer cared what the popular kids thought of her when she realized that they didn't care about her. They looked at her like she was a freak, like she was different then before and that bothered her. Plus, her Grams had told her that she didn't need them to be happy. So, she started to hang out with a young man named Jeremy._**

**_He was a little younger then her and he skipped class all of the time. _**

**_She started to do the same._**

**_She realized that there was little point to attend her classes anymore, because she didn't care about her future or her life anymore. She had realized in that instance that life was fleeting and that made her want to die. For most, they would have cherished the second-chance, she just cherished it in another way. By cutting the pointless things out of it._**

**_Bonnie enjoyed spending time with Jeremy. He was nice to her. He talked to her about what had happened with her family and he truly did understand her. Because, the reason that he was skipping classes and doing drugs was because he had lost his entire family in a car accident and he no longer had anyone. He was the only person in the town who understood what she was going through and the loss that she was feeling. _**

**_Most of the time they would just skip school and go over to their friends' houses and smoke weed in their basements._**

**_It was a group of six outcasts. They were the losers of the town. The ones that everyone made fun of. The ones that didn't have anything left to live for._**

**_She finally felt like she belonged and she was finally smiling again._**

**_That was until one fateful night._**

**_Jeremy, Bonnie, and the other kids were all hanging out in the basement like usual. They were smoking weed and playing video games while Jeremy and Bonnie snuggled up on the couch and watched. The two of them had started to form romantic feelings toward each other, but neither of them had really put a label on what they were yet. They were simply enjoying the comfort of each other._**

**_"You guys gotta try this!" One of the guys said and they all looked over at him. They expected it to be some kind of drug, but none of them expected it to be cocaine. "This is like no trip you've ever had."_**

**_Bonnie exchanged a hesitant look with Jeremy and he quickly told the guy, "We don't do drugs like that here."_**

**_But, it was too late. All of the other kids were already lining up to take lines and they were all enjoying the high that they received after snorting the white powder. They were all telling Jeremy and Bonnie to try it and attempting to pressure them into joining. And eventually Jeremy caved and he looked to Bonnie with a smile and a shrug of her shoulders. "Why not?"_**

**_She watched hesitantly as the young man walked over and he took a line of the cocaine. Bonnie had wanted more than anything to stop him. She loved him too much to allow him to destroy his life. But, he looked so happy after he took the drug that she was tricked into believing that it was a good thing. Maybe it made him feel better. Maybe it would make her feel better._**

**_"God, I feel so alive! I haven't felt so alive in years!" Jeremy announced with a wide smile. "Come on Bon, it's your turn."_**

**_She chewed on her bottom lip and looked over at them. Bonnie didn't want to do it, but she supposed that it wouldn't hurt. She didn't care if she died and if it truly did make her feel alive again she was all for it. She had felt dead ever since that night. She felt like she had died with her Grams. She was supposed to. _**

**_For a split second she remembered the woman that she used to be._**

**_The girl who got home with a gold star on her spelling test and showed her Grams with a proud smile. She remembered how she had said she would never do drugs or drink alcohol, how she had got straight A's and had plans to go to college. It made her sick to think about how much she had changed. About how upset her grandmother would be with her._**

**_Finally, she took a step toward him and she held the rolled up paper in her hand before leaning down and placing it over the line._**

**_Her fingers were shaking as she stared down at the line of coke. She knew that once she did this she would never be able to go back. But Jeremy was staring down at her with eager and excited brown eyes and she gave in._**

**_She took the line._**

**_And it changed her life._**

_'I Admit The Last Few Months,_

_Were Broken And Abused._

_Now I'm Used To The Bleeding And Unspoken Words,_

_That Kept Me So confused.'_

**_'At first the doses were plentiful and easy to obtain. But, over time it became harder and harder for Bonnie and Jeremy to get their hands on cocaine. She missed that feeling. The feeling like she was on top of the world, the feeling like she was capable of doing anything, the feeling of happiness. The feelings that the drug induced in her were the only things that made her feel alive any more._**

**_She didn't need anything else. She just needed her fix._**

**_Both of them were falling. Spiraling out of control without their drugs and they were willing to do almost anything in order to get them._**

**_Almost anything._**

**_Tonight, they were going downtown to meet some of the most well-known drug dealers around town. Bonnie was wearing a short skirt and a shirt that revealed most of her cleavage. She had on heals and she fully intended to use her sex appeal to get a deal on the drugs. She didn't plan to sleep with the men. She never did that. But, she did plan to use it to her advantage._**

**_Jeremy and Bonnie made there way into the alley and they spotted the men who they were going to meet. _**

**_One of them was scrawny and he looked like he too had indulged in the drugs, and the other man was a large muscular man who was obviously there in order to protect him. _**

**_"Hey." Jeremy took charge and stood in front of Bonnie. "We want our stuff." He was scratching his arm as he spoke and picking away at the skin, trying to tear the irritating flesh from his bones. It felt like there was something crawling around inside of him constantly and he needed to make it stop._**

**_"Yeah, I know." His grin spread across his face and they both could tell this was a bad idea. "But, first I want my down-payment."_**

**_"Your down-payment?"_**

**_"Yeah." The man moved around Jeremy and he looked Bonnie over with hungry eyes. She could practically see the lust swimming in them and it caused her stomach to flip. It reminded her of that night. That night that her Grams had died and that man took advantage of her and then attempted to kill her. "You brought along her for me, I assume?"_**

**_"No." Jeremy disagreed and once again took a step in front of the woman he cared for. "She's here because we wanna make a deal."_**

**_"Here's the deal kid." The man said, pushing Jeremy away from Bonnie and taking another step toward her. Placing a hand on her arm and holding her in place as he moved his other hand up her thigh. "I have a little fun with her and then I'll give you all the coke your little heart could desire."_**

**_"No deal!" Jeremy growled out, slamming his fist into the man's face. Her knew what Bonnie had been through in the past. She had opened up with him a little and there was no way that he was going to allow anything like that to happen again. She hadn't even been able to have sex with him because of it, let alone a random drug dealer. Drugs weren't worth that to him. _**

**_The man stumbled to the ground and Jeremy sat on top of him, slamming his fist into his face until it was almost unrecognizable._**

**_There was blood flying around and his fists and face were splattered in red. Suddenly, the larger man reached down and grabbed onto his shirt and Bonnie yelled out, "Jeremy!" _**

**_It was too late. The man had slammed Jeremy down against the ground and slammed his head into the metal dumpster cracking it open and killing him immediately on impact. Bonnie could see his eyes staring back at her, cold and empty just like her grandmothers, and his blood rolling down his chin. _**

**_He was dead._**

**_She had had one person left in her life that she cared about and he was dead._**

**_The man gave her a look that said he didn't want to kill her too, but if she didn't leave he would have to, so she turned around and ran. She ran until she couldn't run any longer and then she crumbled to the ground and curled up in a ball and cried. _**

**_She cried loudly until the police found her.'_**

Bonnie's body was shaking as she held her pillow tightly against her body and screamed loudly into it. She just wanted all of the feelings to go away. She wanted all of her memories of Grams and Jeremy to disappear. All that she wanted was to be happy again.

Honestly, after all of the drugs that she consumed, she didn't know if she would ever be capable of feeling happiness again without them. They had completely destroyed her and she missed them. It was a sick disgusting thing, addictions. They didn't make sense.

Her door opened again and she shot up in bed and stared over at the door. Her eyes were wide and puffy and she was sniffling a little. Bonnie didn't deal well with loud noises or being startled. "Sorry." The worker said with a laugh and a smile. Like they could ever truly be sorry. They got to leave and live their "normal" life after work. They didn't understand her. "I just wanted to tell you that the last group is starting soon and you haven't been to any yet today."

It was her way of telling Bonnie that she had to attend group.

She didn't have a choice. In the ward she had no free-will.

"What's it on?" She wondered, wiping the tears from her eyes and running her hands through her hair.

The woman smiled. "Stress management."

_'Of fucking course.' _Bonnie thought to herself, shaking her head and laughing. "Alright, I'll be right out."

_'Maybe I Can Get Past These Addictions,_

_But The Bodies Piling Up Is A Whole Other Story._

_Tomorrow We'll Wake Up, __In Time To Stop This Double Suicide,_

_Through Kisses Laced With Cyanide, And One Last Look Through Blood Shot eyes._

_I Guess This is What They Call, _

_Killing Yourself In Small Doses.'_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you all again for your wonderful reviews! They really mean a lot to me! I really hope that you guys are still enjoying this! I'm sorry, I said that Damon and Bonnie would meet this chapter, but then Bonnie's past was pretty long so I am going to have the next chapter be all Bamon! Yay! How are you guys liking this? What do you think will happen when they finally meet?**

**I added another chapter very fast because you guys left all those wonderful reviews, so if y'all leave me some more reviews I promise to have the next chapter up tonight! :) **

**Thank you guys for the support you guys are really wonderful!**

**I love you guys!**

**-Tracy Cook**


	4. Bourbon and Cocaine

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character. _**Bold Italics are Memories. ** __'Italics are Thoughts'._

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all. This chapter contains implied rape.**

Rating: M

**Bourbon and Cocaine**

Bonnie uncomfortably wrapped her arms around her chest as she made her way into the room for group. She had been in the ward for a few weeks now and she still wasn't used to group. It meant sitting around in a circle with all of the other patients and talking about their problems and how to deal with them better. She usually just stayed quiet the entire time. Talking about her problems openly was not something that she would ever feel comfortable doing.

_'They don't need to know what I'm going through... It's none of their business.'_

And usually their tips for dealing with their problems were basic commonsense. If she had one more person tell her to take up hobbies in order to distract her mind from the cravings for cocaine and the hallucinations, she would probably scream.

It was obvious that they had never dealt with something like what she was dealing with. Because, she had tried hundreds of different hobbies to distract herself and feel productive, and none of them had helped. She had tried to exorcise and be active, she had tried eating healthy, and she had tried most of their other bullshit advice. None of it helped.

She was broken. There was no easy fix.

Bonnie took a seat on one of the recliners to the far right of the room, away from any of the other patients. She then pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, avoiding eye contact with anyone. She didn't want to risk that they would start to talk to her or mention something about her scar. Too many people had asked her about it since she had been there and she didn't want to tell them what had happened.

"Hello everyone!" The worker said with a bright smile on his face.

They always looked so happy. It was agitating. Bonnie understood that they were trying to be positive, but sometimes it just felt like they were shoving their happiness in her face. She was envious of their lives.

"I'm going to pass out a piece of paper with five different ways to manage your stress." He said as he started to walk around the room and hand out the pieces of paper to all of the patients. "Then I want you to divide into groups of five and I will assign each of you a number to read over and discuss. I will have each group tell me what that number means to you, if you think that it will help, or if it has helped you in the past."

She was only half paying attention as she reached out and took the paper from him. Her eyes still fixated on the ground.

Across the room, Damon was sitting in one of the recliners and his blue eyes were glued to the young woman with her knees held up to her chest and her eyes focused on the ground. He had noticed her the minute that she had walked into the room. She was the same girl that he had witnessed sitting and watching television the night that he arrived.

He couldn't stop himself from once again examining her face.

At least what he was able to see of it.

Her skin was smooth and a sweet caramel tone that caused her green eyes to pop brightly. She had lovely full lips that curved up at the sides and long dark hair that fell perfectly over her shoulders. _'She is beautiful...' _Even though it was just a thought, it made him feel a pang of guilt. He knew that he wasn't ready to move on from his wife. He missed her more than anything in the world and it made him hate himself for even finding the other girl attractive. It made him feel sick.

But, Damon needed to talk to her.

She looked more interesting than any of the other people in the ward.

Once he received his paper, he stood to his feet and started toward the other side of the room. His heart was suddenly pounding faster in his chest and he immediately recognized the strange feeling he was having. He was nervous.

When he reached her, his lips twisted up into a smirk and he asked, "Need a partner?"

_**"Need a partner?" The young woman asked with a smirk on her face as she took a seat beside Damon in the bar. **_

_**He downed the rest of the glass of bourbon that he was drinking and then set it down on the bar, signalling to the bartender to bring him another glass. Turning he looked the young woman over with a crooked grin and a raise of his brows. She was very attractive and dressed up rather promiscuously. **_

_**The way that she was looking at him said that she just wanted to have some fun.**_

_**But, he knew in that moment that she was going to steal his heart. "A partner in what, exactly?" He waggled his brows.**_

_**"Mmm... You know." The woman drawled, standing to her feet and walking around him. "A drinking partner..." She paused. "A partner in crime..." Leaning down she whispered hotly against his ear. "A sexual partner."**_

_**Damon took down the second glass of bourbon and then asked, "What's your name?"**_

_**She twisted him around in his stool and stared deep into blue eyes with brown. "You don't need to know that."**_

_'We Turned Our Questions Into Burning Obsessions._

_Some Asked : "Why Me?"_

_Others Cried : "Why Everybody Else Except Me? Accept Me!'_

Bonnie's ears perked up as she heard the stranger talking to her. At first she tried to convince herself that he must have been talking to someone else. She never joined anyone's groups, she just sat and waited for everyone to finish talking and then she went back to her room or watched some television. Everyone knew that about her.

She sat in silence for a few minutes, hoping that he would get the hint and leave her alone.

But, he didn't.

As she waited for him to do something she noticed the scars that ran up his forearms and she internally flinched. They were deep and they looked to be fresh. This man had attempted suicide recently. It was strange. That should have made her wary of him, she assumed that it would have made most people wary, but it only made her trust him a little more. It meant that there was a possibility that he could understand her. That he could have gone through something similar, like Jeremy had.

"I don't really feel like participating." Bonnie finally admitted to him.

"In that case." He said, leaning over and staring deep into her eyes. "Can we not participate together?"

Suddenly, she recognized him. He was the man who had been brought in the other night while she was watching television. She had noticed the scars along his arms and the way that he looked empty inside. Like everything that he loved had been taken away from him. It was the same way that she looked. She wondered if he too had lost someone close to him.

Bonnie felt a blush rising along her cheeks as she realized just how close their faces were. He was actually a very handsome man. He had a perfect jaw structure, his eyes were mesmerizing, and his long black hair framed his face perfectly. _'Stop staring Bonnie... He's going to think you're creepy.'_

"I guess." She shrugged her shoulders and looked away from him.

He smiled and took a seat beside her. There was something about the young woman that intrigued him. It wasn't just her beauty either, it was something hidden behind those eyes. Secrets of sorrows that he wanted to know about. "I'm Damon, by the way."

"I'm Bonnie."

_'Bonnie? Pretty name.' _Again Damon felt a pang of guilt. He knew that it was so wrong of him on every level to even be thinking about the other woman romantically. His wife had just died and she had meant so much to him. He couldn't just replace her. He could never replace her. His stomach twisted in knots and his heart start to beat painfully as he once again recalled the way that her body had looked mangled on their bed. He swallowed his vomit and forced back his tears as he stared down at the sheet that they were supposed to be discussing.

_'WOW. This list is ridiculous. No wonder Bonnie doesn't want to participate.'_

The leader of the group started to ask some of the groups about their numbers. It shocked both Damon and Bonnie how easily some of the people opened up about their problems. It was like they just wanted to talk about them to anyone who would listen.

Sometimes people would even twist things that had nothing to do with them into their problems.

After a few minutes into the group, Damon completely understood Bonnie's perception on the group and he was no longer listening to what the people were saying. Instead, he was sitting and staring down at the scars on his arms, picking at the scabs once again. It was a nervous habit of his. Still, he found some relief in sitting next to Bonnie. Even in complete silence it made him feel less alone.

"Okay, Bonnie and Damon, what did you two think of number four?"

Damon stared up at the worker with a furrowed brow at his question. He hadn't been expecting him to call them out. It actually kind of pissed him off. _'Why would he do something like that? It's blatantly clear that we don't want to join in!' _He hadn't even read the number, so glancing down at the sheet he took a second to do so. He didn't need to look over at Bonnie to know that she was freaking out about having to talk in front of everyone about their number, so he took the initiative. _  
_

"Our number says, "In order to manage stress you could try avoiding the people who cause you the most stress."

"And what did you two think about that?"

Damon reread it and then he found himself laughing at the sentence. "I think it's bullshit." His lips twisted up and he caught the worker's eyes with his own. He could tell that the other man was scared of him.

Bonnie was shocked by his blunt answer and she quickly snapped her head in his direction and looked him over. She couldn't help but smile a little at what he was saying. It was exactly what she had been thinking. Perhaps not as vulgarly, but still.

"Do you really think that most of us in here haven't already tried avoiding the people who cause us stress?" The man didn't know what to say to Damon and he was visibly growing flustered. He wasn't paid to have true opinions, he was paid to do what they told him to. "I mean, seriously?" He asked sarcastically. "You guys couldn't have come up with something better than that?"

"Uh well, we should move on to number five. Everyone remember if there is someone causing you stress to avoid being around them as much as possible." The worker attempted to move along.

Damon wasn't having it though. "What if the person causing us stress is ourselves? What if it isn't a person at all, what if it is a memory of a person?" He spoke intensely. Honestly, it insulted him how simple they made it sound. You couldn't just avoid your problems and make everything better. That wasn't how life worked. "Tell me, how on earth am I supposed to avoid that?"

Bonnie watched Damon with curious green eyes. He spoke with such compassion that it baffled her.

She wondered what he was talking about. Or rather, who he was talking about. She could tell that whoever was haunting his memories caused him a lot of pain and guilt and she wondered if he blamed himself for losing them. _'Like I blame myself for Grams...'_

"I am going to have to ask you to calm down or you will have to be detained."

"Of course I will." He growled back angrily, leaning back against his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

It was funny how these people preached about sharing their feelings and opening up, but when Damon finally opened up to them all they did was shut him out and tell him he was crazy. They were encouraged to have opinions as long as they were the right opinions. He tried to talk about the murder and his nightmares and they blamed him, they didn't listen to his feelings. He tried to ask how to avoid the memories of a person, and they avoided the questions and said they would detain him. The truth was, they didn't give a crap about him or anyone else.

Bonnie chewed on her cheeks as she glanced over at Damon who was now glaring at the worker and clenching his jaw tightly. He looked angry and she didn't blame him.

Blue eyes connected with green in a heated stare and they both just searched each others eyes for a minute.

"Thanks for saying exactly what I was thinking." Bonnie said with a small smile in his direction. Her voice held genuine gratitude. She had always wanted someone to stand up and point out how ridiculous those five rules of stress management were, but she had never wanted to be the one to do so.

"No problem." His eyes widened and he lifted his brow.

She couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, but she could sense some sincerity behind his words and it caused her heart to leap.

_'We Drowned Our Problems In The Whiskey._

_The Bottom Of The Bottle Dripped As Clean As Our Conscience._

_We Slept Unconscious.'_

Normally after group, Bonnie would have taken her medication and headed back to her room in order to sleep.

It was her routine. She would talk to the therapist every few days and other then that, she ate meals every once in a while and she partook in group every night. She didn't care to be social with any of the workers or any of the other patients.

Tonight was different though.

Tonight she wanted to be social. She wanted to spend time with Damon, get to know him more, or perhaps simply sit in silence with him. She couldn't explain it if she was asked about it, but there was something about being around him that was comforting for her. She wanted to explain it by saying that he reminded her of Jeremy. She wanted to convince herself that there was nothing particularly appealing about the man himself. But, deep down she knew that there was something unique about him.

She could see it in his eyes and the scars he wore around his wrists. There was a sorrow in his life that was so heavy that he no longer knew how to handle anything. He was like her.

At least felt like he was.

_'You could just be making assumptions that aren't even true, Bonnie...' _She internally reminded herself as she headed out into the main living area of the ward. Bonnie knew what it was like to need her own privacy and the last thing that she wanted was to invade on someone who didn't want her around. _'Then again, he was the one who came up to me first...' _

Her lips quirked up into a smile as that thought crossed her mind.

She knew that she shouldn't let it get to her that he had approached her, but she was.

Bonnie felt her heart start to race as she saw the older man sitting in the main room of the ward. He was sitting in one of the recliners with his legs crossed over the leg-rest and a smile on his face as he watched the television show. She cast her eyes toward the television and watched as the pictures moved along the screen. She recognized the show. It was CSI. She wasn't a fan of the show. Not because she didn't like the characters or the concept, but because she couldn't handle how gruesome it was.

Every time that she saw dead bodies she saw her Grams and Jeremy.

Despite her initial fear of watching the show, she still made her way toward the older man and took a seat in the chair beside him.

Damon heard someone sit beside him and more than anything he was surprised. No one had been sitting next to him or talking to him since he arrived. Most of them knew what he was in for and even the other patients were scared of him or didn't want to talk to him. He glanced over at the person sitting next to him and his smile stretched across his face.

It was Bonnie.

_'She must not have minded being partners with me after all.' _

"Hey there." He said with a smirk and a raise of his brow.

Bonnie found herself blushing again as he gave her that look. It infuriated her that she couldn't stop herself from reacting to his smile and the way he raised his brows at her. There was something undeniably attractive about the older man and she hated herself for feeling that way toward him, but she also couldn't stop herself from wanting to explore it a little more.

"Hey." She said, offering him a small wave before returning her attention to the screen.

Damon could take a hint.

The young woman was trying to get to know him, but she wasn't ready to open up to him yet. She just wanted to spend time with him. Oddly enough he understood the feeling because he felt the exact same way about her. So, he didn't pry into her life like he usually would of, instead he focused on the television and watched as the investigators tried to figure out who the murderer were.

These shows fascinated him. He wondered if there were people on the other side trying to find out what had happened to him? He wondered if his brother was trying to prove him innocent.

He hoped that he was.

Not only for selfish reasons like getting out of the institution and finding freedom. But, he needed to know that he hadn't killed his wife in order to free himself from the guilt that he felt. From the anguish and anger he had inside.

Damon watched as they found another mutilated body on the television show and out of the corner of his eye he noticed something. Bonnie was covering her eyes looking away from the television. She was also making soft whimpering sounds under her breath and she looked terrified. _'Is it because of the show?' _Normally he wouldn't have cared about anyone. Damon Salvatore was selfish and he only did what made him happy, he didn't care if anyone else was happy. But, there was something about her.

He wanted to protect her.

He could tell that she deserved to be happy.

Fingering the television remote he internally debated between wanting to see how the episode ended and making Bonnie happy. He watched as she once again flinched and covered her eyes and he felt compelled to do the right thing. So, he lifted the remote and placed it on the arm of her recliner, leaving it up to her to change the channel if she wanted.

Bonnie stared down at the remote and then looked over at Damon. He was wearing a knowing grin and she wondered why he had given her the remote. People in here never gave her the remote. She never asked them for it. She just watched whatever they were watching or she came out at three in the morning when everyone else was sleeping in order to watch what she wanted.

She didn't say anything as she reached out and took the remote and changed the channel to a more suitable show.

It was a sitcom.

Damon hated sitcoms, but he found himself laughing whenever Bonnie did.

The two of them never really spoke again as the hours passed. They just watched television and allowed all of their worries and problems to disappear for a while as they enjoyed each other's company. It was such a simple and uneventful evening. But, for the two of them it meant the world.

And when the worker came out at four in the morning and told the two of them, "You two should probably head to bed."

Neither of them wanted to.

"Aww, do we have to?" Damon asked in a teasing tone of voice, but the workers insisted that they go to bed. They made it seem like they were concerned for their well-being, but really, he figured it just meant that they wouldn't have to work as hard.

Damon and Bonnie exchanged good nights and then they headed into their separate rooms.

Both immediately missing the company of the other.

_'We Smoked Our Drugs And Cigarettes To Cleanse Regrets,_

_And Always Bet On Regretting The Outcome._

_We Did, And Then Some...'_

When they had attempted to give Damon his sleeping medication he had pretended to take it and then got rid of the pills. He wasn't yet confident enough to sleep. Since the incident it had become his biggest fear. He didn't feel like he had control over himself in his dreams, he didn't feel like he could stop himself from doing something terrible. The thought of killing Bonnie like he possibly had his wife made his stomach twist into knots.

It made him want to keep his distance from her.

If he got close to her then he would eventually hurt her too. Just like he had his wife.

_'I didn't hurt her.' _He tried to convince himself as he stared down at her name carved into his chest. Reading her name reminded him again of that night and his stomach lurched back and forth. _'It would hurt her to know that I'm thinking about how pretty other women are already...' _His guilt was overwhelming. Suffocating. It felt like there was a heavy weight on his chest and he couldn't breath.

There was a heavy weight on his chest. There was his wife's name and his guilt that came with her memories.

He missed her. He missed the way that she would smile at him in the morning, the way that her body felt against his as he held her close at night. He missed the way that she said his name and the way that she teased him. He missed everything about her and he still couldn't believe that she was never coming back. She would never smile at him again, she would never hold him or say his name. She was gone.

She was gone and everyone was convinced that it was all his fault.

Why would he have wanted her dead? He loved her. Why couldn't anyone see that?

_**"Why don't you come back to bed?" Damon asked with a suggestive waggle of his brow. **_

_**She laughed and shook her head at him as she pulled her jeans back on. "Because, I have work and I'm already going to be late." She smirked. "I should have never agreed to round two." She pulled her shirt over her head and started to fix her hair.**_

_**He sat up in bed and placed his hands on her hips, pulling her between his legs. "Oh, whatever. You liked it." His eyes widened and he grinned.**_

_**"Yeah. I did."**_

_**"So, come on, just one more round, Kath." Damon pulled her down on top of him and pressed his lips to hers in a sweet and passionate kiss. He had never felt so connected with someone in his life. What had started in fun and passion had ended in love. He loved her and he planned to make her his wife.**_

_**He was going to ask her soon.**_

_**"I'm gonna be late, Damon!" **_

_**"Like you care!" He laughed and he kissed her again. Finally, she gave in and kissed him back. No longer caring about her job.**_

_**The two of them always said that there were more important things in life then work. You should be happy with who you are and who you are with, not constantly searching for more. If she lost her job it wouldn't matter. She still had the love of her life.'**_

Her memory haunted his thoughts again and he started to pick away at the scab on his chest causing it to break and bleed again. There was some sick twisted part of him that truly believed once the cuts healed so would he. And the sick part was, he didn't want to heal. He never wanted to feel better again. He never wanted to smile again. So, he kept picking away at those scabs and reopening his cuts because he wanted to dwell in his misery and memories.

The thought of being happy after what happened to her made him feel insanely guilty and sick.

Tears rolled down his cheeks and his heart started to pound loudly in his ears as he stared down at cuts. They were bleeding once again and the blood was rolling down over his sides and staining his sheets. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach as he read her name over and over again and remembered every moment with her leading up to her death. Knowing he would never have another minute with her.

He would never see her again.

_'We Rinsed Our Nicotine Stained Fingers Double Clean._

_We Dropped Back To Default._

_Our Faults Are Not Our Fault.'_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Oh my goodness! Thank you guys so sooo much for all of the wonderful reviews! They made my day! I'm so glad that y'all are enjoying this fic! I hope that you guys will enjoy this chapter as well. I know that it isn't that much interaction, but I think that it is really important in their development. I hope that the memories didn't confuse anyone. I just wanted to include some of the past. :)**

**You guys keep me writing! Your wonderful reviews made me want to add a chapter ASAP and I love you guys for that!**

**What do you guys think will happen next? Will Damon withdraw? Will the two of them get closer? Will Stefan be trying to get his brother out? What about the other characters that are supposed to be in this story? :)**

**Thank you guys so much for reading this! I love you guys so much!**

**I would love it if y'all tell me what you think!**

**-Tracy Cook**


	5. Withdrawing

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character. _**Bold Italics are Memories. ** __'Italics are Thoughts'._

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all. **

Rating: M

**Withdrawing ****  
**

Bonnie couldn't put her mind to rest.

It felt like hours had passed, but it had only been a few excruciating minutes.

Every minute that went by felt like torture. Nails digging into her scalp, pulling chunks of hair from her head as she screamed into her pillow and tears stained the fabric. The drugs were supposed to help her sleep, they were supposed to ease the cravings and take away her anxiety, but they weren't working! She could feel blood building beneath her fingernails where they dug deep into her skin, but she couldn't feel any pain.

Sweat covered every inch of her body and was rolling down over her naked shoulders. She had already ripped the clothes off of her body due to the heat and claustrophobia she was feeling.

"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!" She screamed out against her pillow.

Prior to using drugs she had never cursed much. And some days she still felt really guilty about doing so. She felt like Grams would be so disappointed in her. But today wasn't one of those days. Today it was all that she could do to suppress the cravings. She would just scream and cry and curse the world until she fell asleep and could officially say that she survived one more day without drugs.

"Ahhh!" Bonnie screamed again as her head throbbed. "God damn it! Just stop! Please! Make it stop!"

When she was younger Grams always taught her to believe in God. That if she believed in God and she lived a good life, was kind to others, then others would be kind to her and God would protect her from the evils of the world. But God hadn't done anything to save her or her Grams, and she hated him for that. If he did truly exist then she hated him for sitting by on the sidelines and watching her suffer all of her life. Watching her suffer now. Why couldn't he just take the pain away?

Why couldn't anything take the pain away?

She missed Jeremy. She missed Grams. And quite honestly, she missed her cocaine right about now.

"We're right here, child." Bonnie's ears perked up as she heard her Grams' voice from above her. She didn't dare look though. She knew that it wasn't real, it was all just a hallucination. Her mind tricking her.

"No you're not!" She screamed, slamming her hands down on the bed and trying to force the images and voices away.

"Sure we are, Bon." Jeremy said with a smile. "We're right here with you."

"No-" She sobbed loudly. "No, you're not." Her chest was heaving wildly and her breathing was coming faster. It suddenly felt like she was suffocating to death. For the longest time she had wanted to believe the images that she had, she had wanted to believe that they were ghosts of her loved ones coming back to see her. But, the doctors diagnosed her with schizophrenia instead. She supposed it was easier that way. They could put her in a box with a label and not be forced to think outside of it.

"Come on, look at us. It's really us. We can help." Their voices started to overwhelm her. Bonnie just wanted to give in to them. Maybe it would be better than living in the cruel reality.

Turning her head, she pushed her soaked hair out of her eyes just enough to see the two of them. What she saw mortified her.

Her grandmother was standing in front of the bed, leaning over and looking Bonnie straight in the eyes. Only she had no eyes. They had rolled back into her head. Her lips and chin were covered in blood and there was a gaping hole in her throat that was leaking blood all over her sheets. "Don't be scared, child."

Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Jeremy. He was standing before her with his head bashed open and blood running down his face and into his mouth. He was smiling despite the injury and he lent forward and attempted to kiss her. Just like he always used to. This time was different. It wasn't him. He was disfigured and a figment of Bonnie's warped imagination.

This time she didn't hold back. She screamed as loud as she could and she pulled back from the two of them, burying her head in her pillow and praying that they would go away. Seeing them in such a state, smiling down at her, made her feel guilty.

She felt like it was her fault.

"Ahhhhh! Go away!"

"Bonnie, please?"

"No! Just go away! Go away! Go away!" She screamed over and over again.

"Bonnie!"

"Leave me alone!" She couldn't stop the tears from falling as she clung tightly onto the pillow that she was now holding over her head.

"Bonnie! You're okay." Bonnie could feel a pressure on her back and her eyes widened. None of her hallucinations had ever been capable of actually touching her. Quickly, she turned and looked up at whoever was touching her. What she witnessed was one of the workers standing over her and trying her best to comfort her without breaking any restrictions.

"Shh... You're okay. You're okay." The worker smiled down at her and pushed her bloody, tear-stained hair out of her eyes.

"But... Grams, Jeremy..."

"Shh... It's okay. They're gone now."

Bonnie allowed her heart to slow down and her body to relax to the best of her ability, but the cravings were still strong and she was covered in sweat, blood, and tears. Finally, she sat up and threw her feet over the side of the bed. "I think I'm gonna take a shower."

_'When You Wake Up To White Walls, And Endless Halls,_

_There's An Emptiness That Echoes Through It All._

_So, Sit Back In Your Bed, With Your Mind Medicated,_

_And Your Senses Stuck On The Sick Scent Of The Dead.'_

"Have you been taking your sleeping medication?" The therapist asked with a look down at his clipboard. It was a different therapist then the last and Damon was starting to wonder how any of them ever accomplished anything. Shouldn't one therapist focus on one patient?

"Yes." He lied. If he told the truth then they would start checking his mouth after he took the pills.

"And how have they been working for you? Are you sleeping better?"

"Nope."

"You are still not sleeping?" The therapist looked down at the chart with a perplexed look. The dose was high. He had never heard of someone to take the pills and still not sleep through the night. "I've treated insomniacs with this medication and they all say it works wonderfully for them."

Damon could tell that the therapist was questioning his honesty. He didn't believe him. "Well, it hasn't worked wonderfully for me." His voice was saturated in sarcasm.

Blue eyes were fixated on the older man as he flipped through the pages with his information on it. He watched as confusion quickly turned to realization and the man put the chart down and stared over at him. "Do you think there is a chance that you do not want the medication to work? That you are fighting through the effects because you want to stay awake?"

He didn't say anything in response to the question, but the look on his face gave it away.

The therapist took a moment to study Damon's face. To really examine what it was that he was feeling. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were focused intently on the door. He wanted to get out as soon as possible. He was tired of talking about his feelings because they had finally hit a topic that he didn't want to talk about. They were finally breaking through the surface of the complex man. There was something else that he recognized on Damon's face. He recognized guilt. Damon felt guilty for sleeping.

If all the things that everyone had assumed to know about him were true, then why would he feel guilty for sleeping? If he was simply using it as an excuse to get away with murder then he would feel no remorse or fear.

"Are you afraid to go to sleep, Damon?"

Damon furrowed his brow and chewed on his cheeks as he continued to stare at the door. He didn't want to turn and look at the therapist, because he didn't want to give away how he was feeling. Of course he was afraid to go to sleep. He had killed the one woman he loved more than anything in the world because he had gone to sleep that night, and he didn't want to risk hurting or killing anyone else.

The patient didn't have to admit to anything. He knew by the look on his face that the answer was yet and he quickly jotted down a few notes on the chart. "These drugs will allow you to sleep without dreaming. They told you that, right?"

"Yeah, they told me."

"I know that you are afraid, but you have to sleep. Sleeping is important to your health and without it you may experience hallucinations and irritability, and if you continue without sleep, it can lead to death."

"It's better me then anyone else." Damon stated through grit teeth. He couldn't imagine hurting anyone else like he had possibly hurt his wife.

"You really can't trust yourself to sleep, can you?" His voice held sorrow and sympathy. Watching the young man suffer because of what he feared he was capable of doing while asleep caused his chest to tighten. He felt sympathy for him. Even though he knew that he wasn't supposed to.

His silence answered the question.

"How long has it been since you last slept?"

"Can't we talk about something else, doc?" Damon returned his gaze to the therapist, his lips twisting up into a demented smirk. "This topic is getting tiresome." He said the last word teasingly. The therapist did not look impressed by his change of subject or his obvious pun, but he also did not appear to be angry.

"How long has it been since you last slept?"

"A week." He paused and grinned. "Or two."

"It's been two weeks since you last slept?" His eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The few people that he had known to not sleep for two weeks straight did not look nearly as put together as Damon did. It made him internally question just how put together the young man actually was. Was he hallucinating and hiding it? Was he falling apart inside? Was he physically and emotionally exhausted? Or was he actually as fine as he appeared?

He shrugged and nodded his head nonchalantly.

"That isn't healthy for you." Damon could almost sense some concern behind his words. It surprised him. So far no one had really sympathized with him or worried about his health. "Have you been suffering from hallucinations?"

Normally he would just lie in this situation, but there was something about the therapist that made him trust him. He made him believe that he was actually there to help him and listen to his problems. That was all that he had been needing. Someone who understood and believed him. Someone on his side. "I wouldn't call them hallucinations."

"What would you call them?"

"Little dark blurs out of the corner of my eye. White spots all over the room. Memories of Katherine that seem so real, but aren't."

The therapist paused and wrote something down in his notes. He wanted to pry into the memories that Damon was envisioning, but he didn't know if that would be pushing things too far. The last thing that he wanted was to accidentally cause him to retreat back inside of himself. "Tell me about these memories? What are they like? Are they like hallucinations?"

He furrowed his brow and eyed the man sitting across from him suspiciously. Even though he wanted to trust him, he still didn't. Many of these therapists were just looking for something to prove that he was not insane. That he was just a psychopath. _'In that case why would he ask about the memories?' _"No. They aren't hallucinations." He paused and thought it over. "It's more like I'm dreaming, but I'm awake."

He jotted down some more notes. "Hmm... I see. And what do these dreams involve?"

Damon stared down at his hands, crossing them and uncrossing them nervously as he recalled the dreams he had been having. His eyes glazed over with tears, but he refused to let them fall as he told the therapist what his dreams involved. "They're just memories of us." He smiled and let out a breath. "They aren't like hallucinations because I'm not a part of them, it's just like watching a movie. I watch as the two of us relive all of my favorite moments with her and then they fade away and leave me feeling empty inside."

A tear rolled down his cheek and he quickly swatted it away. He didn't want to show how vulnerable he was.

"Some of them are things that hadn't happened yet. Things we had planned to do."

"Like what?" He cocked his head to the side and examined Damon closely. He watched as the tears threatened to escape his eyes and he stubbornly held them back. One day he would have to embrace them in order to get past his mourning, but that day wasn't today. He was already jumping many hurdles.

"We were planning our wedding." He forced a smile and another tear fell, but he pushed that tear away just as quickly as the last. "She had picked out the dress that she wanted and we had chosen the place. The invitations were sent." Damon shook his head and caught the therapist's eyes with glazed over blue. "We were supposed to get married in May."

His heart was breaking for the patient, despite himself. This was not a man who killed his wife, this was a man in mourning.

"And sometimes while I lay in bed awake I dream about that wedding. Saying I do, kissing her lips, and living happily ever after. Then the harsh reality hits me and I'm back here."

_'You Can Call For The Doctor, It's All You've Got Anymore._

_He's The Ticket To The Life You Had Before._

_If I Could Just Make Them See That I Don't Need This.'_

"It doesn't make sense! Damon has done a lot of shitty things in his life, but he would have never hurt her!" Stefan shouted at the sheriff. He couldn't believe that they were just dropping the case and accepting Damon was the one who had done it. His brother was trapped in a mental institution and he had no doubt in his mind that it couldn't have possibly been him.

"All of the evidence points toward him, Stefan. I'm sorry. There is only so much I can do." Sheriff Forbes told him with a sad smile on her face. She had been friends with the Salvatore brothers and Katherine before the incident and she had been doing everything in her power to get Damon out. But, the more evidence that piled up, the worse it looked.

"You saw the way that he looked at her." Stefan said with sadness in his voice. He too had been in love with Katherine. The two of them had fought valiantly for her love, eventually his older brother won.

"I know." She felt horrible for not being able to help more.

She wanted to prove Damon's innocence almost as badly as his brother did. She had always had a soft spot for the young man.

"Then how can you think that he is the one responsible for her death? He didn't care about a lot of people, Sheriff, but Damon loved Katherine more than life itself. He would have done anything for her and they were supposed to be married in May. Why would he kill her? What is his motive?"

"We haven't quite figured out a motive."

"If you don't have a motive then you have no case!" Stefan insisted, despite knowing that it wasn't true. The police department could easily blame this one on Damon with all of the evidence that they had. He just hoped that Sheriff Forbes would have some sympathy. She had known the two brothers since they were very young and she knew that they weren't capable of doing such things.

"Stefan, we have a case."

"Please, Liz." He used her name to show that he was not asking her as the Sheriff, he was asking her as a friend. His eyes connected with hers and she could see the desperation swimming in their depths. "This is Damon we are talking about. He couldn't have done this. Just keep looking. There has to be something we are missing."

"Stefan, I-"

"-Don't give up on him, Liz. Don't give up on me."

Stefan wanted to know more than anything who had been the one to kill the woman that he loved. He wanted to know who was responsible for destroying his brother's life and sending him away for murder. He needed to know.

Sheriff Forbes sighed and offered him a small smile. "Alright, I won't give up just yet, Stefan."

"Thank you."

_'Doctor, Doctor, What Am I Here For?_

_Can't You See That I Don't Need This Place?_

_I Don't Need These Walls, I'm No Threat At All.'_

"How has your appetite been?" The therapist asked.

Bonnie had her eyes focused on her feet and her fingers tracing along the scar on her neck. She was tired of answering the same questions every day. She just wanted them to let her leave. "It's been alright." She lied with a shrug of her shoulders. That was the same answer she gave them every day.

They knew she wasn't eating though. "So, you got up and ate breakfast this morning?"

His words came out more like an accusation then a question. He knew that she hadn't eaten breakfast and he was testing her to see if she would tell the truth. It was sickening.

"No." she smiled slightly. "I wasn't feeling very hungry this morning."

"Are you having suicidal thoughts?"

_'Wow, way to lead up to that question. Did you eat breakfast? No. Are you planning on killing yourself today?' _Bonnie was tired of people asking her that question. She wasn't constantly thinking about ways that she could kill herself, she just wanted to be dead. It sounded like the easy way out of her terrible existence. Truthfully, she was tired of waking up, she was tired of missing her loved ones, and she was tired of the cravings. Sometimes death sounded simple.

"No, not really." She stated nonchalantly. They kept telling her that if she answered their questions straightforwardly they would let her out. But, she knew that if they knew her dark past and how bad the hallucinations had gotten, they would keep her even longer.

"Not really, or not at all?" The therapist pried.

"Not really."

He glanced down at her chart and started to jot a few things down in his notes. She wondered what he was writing. _'He's probably writing down that you are crazy and a suicidal mess.' _ Withdrawing was starting to make her paranoid and suspicious of everyone._  
_

"Hmm... I see." He paused and looked over the next page. "And how are you sleeping? Are the nightmares getting any better with the new medications you are on?"

"Yeah, they're getting a little better."

"What about the hallucinations? Is the medicine we put you on working? One of the med-techs said that you were having pretty severe hallucinations last night."

Bonnie didn't know why she was surprised that the med-tech had told the doctor about her hallucinations, but she was. She had felt in that moment that she could finally trust someone. That the young woman was there to help her and not to over-analyze her like an animal trapped in a cage. "I'm still having hallucinations about Grams and Jer." She muttered. There was no point in lying now.

"If I may ask, what do these hallucinations consist of?" He didn't know much about her past. None of them did. Bonnie wasn't one to open up.

The young woman started to fidget uncomfortably under the therapist's curious eyes. She hated the way that he looked at her like he was fascinated by her, not concerned. It made her stomach twist uncomfortably. Still, there was a large part of her that wanted to get it off of her chest. She was just scared, because the last person she had told about the hallucinations had made her feel crazy for thinking they were the ghosts of her loved ones.

"They don't really consist of much." She said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Are they violent? Do you feel like your grandmother and Jeremy are threatening you?"

Bonnie's eyes widened and she quickly dismissed the idea. "Of course not. Grams and Jer would never hurt me."

"Then what is it that they do?"

"They just come to me and tell me that they can help me. That I can trust them. That they won't hurt me. But..." Her voice trailed off and the therapist looked over her face. He could see terror written in her eyes and he wondered what else there was to the hallucinations.

"But?"

"But they look the way they did the last time I saw both of them. Grams is always staring down at me with those dead eyes and her throat is just bleeding everywhere." Tears filled her eyes as she recalled what her grandmother had looked like the night that she had died. How she had blamed herself for not saving her. "She always reaches out to me gasping for breath and asking me to save her, and Jer..." She paused again and took in a breath. "His head is smashed in and his lips are covered in blood and he just keeps trying to kiss me. I feel-I feel so guilty because I can't kiss him back like I used to. He just looks so sad. And I feel so bad. I just miss them both so much!"

Bonnie hadn't expected to break down. But, when she finally started to speak she overflowed like a broken dam. She had so many emotions and no one to talk to and she just wanted to tell someone.

She just wanted someone to understand what she was going through.

Sympathy flashed across his face for a second as he heard her explanation. It was like realization suddenly hit him. "You feel guilty about their deaths? That is where the hallucinations stem from, your guilt."

Bonnie nodded her head and quickly wiped away the tears that attempted to escape her eyes. She hated looking vulnerable in front of people.

"Do you feel guilty because you were not there to save them?

She raised her hands and waved them around as she spoke. Bonnie felt like she had a lot that she needed to express, but she didn't know how to. She had never been very good about talking about her feelings. "I mean, yeah, of course I do. I was right there in front of them both when they died. I watched it happen and I didn't do anything to stop it."

Bonnie hated herself for not doing more.

"Do you think that there was anything more you could have done to stop it from happening?"

"I feel like I could have done something more." She spoke under her breath. Suddenly feeling the weight of her sorrow and guilt on her chest. It was a heavy burden that she had carried for quite some time. "I shouldn't have listened to Grams when she told me to go downstairs. If I would have stayed upstairs then I could have protected her."

"Or, you could have both been killed." Sometimes people just needed to hear the truth. "Your Grams did what she did in order to protect you. Because she loved you and didn't want you to get hurt."

"Jeremy was just trying to protect me too, and he ended up dead!" Tears were free-down caramel skin and she pushed them away with the back of her hands, hating that she looked so weak in front of the man she hardly knew. "I just don't understand! What is so special about me? Why does everyone keep dying to save me? I'm not worth it! Grams and Jeremy are dead because of me."

"No."

Bonnie was shocked when the therapist dismissed her feelings. It nearly infuriated her.

"You are alive because of your Grams and Jeremy."

That was something that she had never really thought about. She had never really put it into that perspective before. It was a completely different way to look at things and it helped to lift a little of the guilt that she had been feeling. "But, they deserved to be alive."

"So do you, Bonnie."

_'Is There A Way We Could Maybe, Through Therapy,_

_Find A Way To Rate And Release Me?_

_I Just Need To Be Outside. Even If Supervised.'_

Bonnie was sitting in the chair in the main room of the ward, staring at the telephone with sorrow-filled eyes. She wanted more than anything to pick up the phone and call one of her friends or her family members. But, she didn't even know who she would call. Her father was always more concerned with his title and money and her mother was no longer in the picture. The friends that she had at school had all ditched her after what had happened with Jeremy.

She had no one.

Finally, she reached out and fingered the phone cautiously, before gripping it and lifting it up to her ear. Taking in a breath and letting it out, she finally got up enough courage to dial the only number she could think of.

The phone started ringing and she tapped her foot nervously as her heart started pounding loudly in her ears. She was terrified that he wouldn't answer and she was even more terrified that he would. When the ringing stopped and reached his voice-mail she let out a loud groan of annoyance. That had been the only person she could have talked to about what was going on.

"Hey, dad. It's me. Your daughter." Bonnie spoke almost bitterly into the phone. He was always too busy for her. "I'm trapped in a mental institution. Oh yeah, and Jeremy's dead. Maybe you could call me back? Thanks, bye."

Perhaps it was the cocaine withdrawals or perhaps it was the years of neglect, but he didn't feel like being nice. She had been in the institution for a while now and she had called him nearly every other day and he still hadn't answered or returned her calls. It was like he didn't care about her at all. She was getting tired of trying to make him care.

Bonnie rested her head against the phone and she let out another groan of frustration.

"No luck?" A voice asked from behind her. Her ears perked up and she recognized the voice immediately. It was the young man who had given her the remote control the day prior. _'What was his name again? Oh yeah... Damon.' _

She turned and jumped a little when she realized that he was leaning his arms against the back of her chair and sitting a lot closer to her than she had expected. A light blush covered her cheeks and coughed to clear the confusing thoughts from her mind. Every time she looked at him her mind got all jumbled up. "Nope. Guess my dad's too busy to care." She laughed under her breath in an attempt to make it less significant.

It wasn't though, and Damon could tell. Bonnie cared a lot about her dad's affection. "I know all about that." He laughed a little too. "I've called my baby bro like fifteen times since I got in here and he still hasn't called me back."

"I'm sorry."

She sounded genuinely apologetic and that made him wonder if she knew why he was in the institution. If she knew then she would probably treat him just like everyone else. "Don't be." His lips curled up and his brow lifted as he said the words playfully. "My brother and I have never really gotten along before. I won't be surprised if he lets me rot in here."

"I guess I could say the same about my dad."

Bonnie tried to offer him a smile, but she couldn't. The withdrawals were setting in again and she could feel her emotions building up and overwhelming her. She was confused about her feelings for Damon. She wanted to trust him, but she was scared to. She missed her Grams and Jer, they would know what to do right now. Tears started to form behind her eyes and sweat started to coat her skin. She was shaking and the cravings were back. Every time things got bad again she started to crave cocaine.

"Bonnie." His voice held genuine concern. This wasn't something he felt often for people. "You're shaking. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She forced out with a fake smile and tear-filled eyes. Her body shaking even more and her heart starting to race in her chest. She couldn't believe that he dad was still ignoring her phone calls. How could someone just abandon their daughter like that?

"You don't look fine." Damon told her with conviction in his voice as he reached out and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Strangely enough, the contact did help with the shaking. Just feeling his warm skin against her own was enough to calm her down. Now his fingers were tracing patterns along her arm and she knew that it was only a matter of time before the med-techs would get mad at them for being indecent. She didn't care if they were reprimanded though. She was enjoying the way that his fingers danced along her skin and ignited something inside of her that she had long forgotten existed.

Ever since she had gotten on drugs nothing had excited her. She had stopped feeling. But now, with Damon gently caressing her skin, she felt alive again.

Bonnie allowed a few tears to fall and Damon swiftly moved his hand to her face, swiping her stray hairs behind her ear. He as feeling a mix of conflicting emotions as well. He felt like he was enjoying the contact between the two of them, but that made him feel extremely guilty because he was still in love with Katherine and he wasn't ready to let her memory go.

_'This doesn't mean you are letting her memory go, Damon. You're just comforting her. That's all...' _Damon didn't even believe himself. Still, these thoughts worked for the moment to ease his guilt.

Suddenly they were both interrupted as they heard the voice of one of the young med-techs. "Hey, you two!"

Both of them turned and stared at him.

"Put some space between the two of you or I'll have to reprimand you."

Bonnie and Damon pulled away from each other and they shared an amused look. Both of them were suddenly feeling the urge to smile at getting in trouble. So, they did. They both smiled and started to laugh putting all of the negative thoughts behind for the moment.

_'Yes, I Know What I've Done And I Regret It Every Day._

_If I Could Make It Right, You Know I'd Find A Way.'_

* * *

**Authors Note : **

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! You guys really do keep me writing and inspired and it means the world to me! I hope that everyone is still enjoying this story! :)) The next chapter will be 100 percent Bamon opening up to each other! Then I think I will introduce Rebekah or Kol, which do you guys want me to introduce first? What would you like to see in their pasts? How do you guys want the Bamon interaction to go, slow or passionate? What all do you guys wanna see?! I'm open to suggestions and I will try and add anything that you guys want! **

**Thank you all for reading and please do tell me what you think of this chapter and I promise to get the next chapter up ASAP!**

**I love you guys!**

**-Tracy Cook**


	6. Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character. _**Bold Italics are Memories. ** __'Italics are Thoughts'._

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all. **

Rating: M

**Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly **

"Uno." Damon said with a twist of his lips and a raise of his brow as he laid down a red card on the discard stack.

He and Bonnie had been playing games and avoiding groups for the last few hours. They had decided that if the workers were going to continuously interrupt their television shows every time they had a group, then they would have to do something else to preoccupy themselves.

"Come on, not again!" Bonnie exclaimed with a bright smile and a shimmer of happiness behind her eyes. "That's the tenth time in a row, you've got to be cheating." She insisted.

Damon's grin widened. "Maybe I am." He stated playfully. "Maybe I'm not."

"You totally are!" She laughed, laying down a blue card to counter the red in hopes that his last card was red.

When he started laughing, she knew that his last card was blue and she gave him a look that said 'are you serious,' as he laid down his final card on the stack. _'How did he know that I would turn it blue? Did he have that planned the whole time? Jesus who is this guy?' _

"Are you kidding me?" Surprisingly, she wasn't actually angry with him. With her withdrawals she had become extremely irritable and she hated cheaters. But there was something charming about the way that he was cheating. It was so playful and fun and it made her smile again. It felt like it had been forever since the last time she smiled.

Damon raised his hands defensively and smirked at her. He too was feeling better than he had in quite some time. There was something special about Bonnie. It was written in her scars. It shimmered in her eyes. He could see himself reflected in them and it made him curious about her past, about how much they had in common, about what sorrows haunted her. It also made it a goal of his to keep her smiling. Because, if she had hope of smiling again and truly feeling happy then it made him wonder if he too had hope.

"There is no way you are just that lucky, Damon." She crossed her arms and sternly glared at him.

"I have a feeling that neither of us are that lucky." He teased. "All things considering."

For just a moment it appeared that Bonnie's happiness was going to fade due to his comment. But, instead of fading her smile returned full force and she nodded her head. "Yeah. I guess that's true."

Most times it was easier to laugh about how shitty your life was then to actually confront the horrible reality of it.

"Did you want to try another game. See if you get lucky?" He asked with a raise of his brow.

"Sure." Bonnie laughed. "Why not? It couldn't get any worse. What did you have in mind?" She wondered aloud as the two of them started to pick up the cards and put them back into the Uno box. Both of them were extremely aware of how close their hands were and every single time they brushed against one another.

"I dunno." Damon shrugged. "We'll just have to wait and see what they got in their magical closet of mild entertainment." His words were dripping with sarcasm as he turned to look over his shoulder at one of the workers. "Hey, you!"

"Yes?" The worker asked with a smile in his direction.

"We'd like to exchange this game for another. Can you open the closet for us?"

"I can. But I will have to watch you two as you pick out a game." She told them as she pulled her keys off of her belt and started toward the closet. Damon and Bonnie were both growing tired of everyone telling them over and over that they had to watch them while they did everything. Did they think that they were too stupid to understand it the first time?

"Yep, we got it." Damon deadpanned.

Bonnie grinned up at him and he once again noticed just how short and petite the other woman was. It was something that he found to be rather adorable. He returned the smile and they headed into the large closet with the worker standing over them and watching their every move. On some level it made him uncomfortable, but on another level it sort of excited him. He loved messing with the staff and giving them a hard time.

Damon and Bonnie both turned in opposite directions so that their backs were facing each other as they sifted through the shelves for the perfect game to play next.

"Nope. Nope. Nope." Damon stated as blue eyes roamed over the selection. For the most part they had a whole lot of little kids games. Which could be fun. _'If alcohol was involved.' _He turned and looked at the young woman who was closely watching the two of them and he asked, "You guys don't happen to have any drinking games do you?"

The worker was thrown off by his question. She didn't know whether to take it seriously or to reprimand him for making such a comment. "Uh, no. Of course not."

"Shucks." He grinned and returned his eyes to the shelves. He could hear Bonnie chuckling softly under her breath behind him and it caused his smile to widen.

After a few more minutes of sifting through the games, Damon spotted one that caught his attention. When he was younger he and his brother used to play it and it was one of his favorite games growing up. Reaching up he grabbed onto the game and said, "I think I found the perfect game to play."

Both of them turned around quickly in that moment and they wound up face to face with very little distance between their bodies. The only thing separating the two of them was a box that Damon was holding up. The game had been forgotten though as green eyes connected with blue. Bonnie couldn't believe how beautiful his eyes were. They captivated her. They held so many stories that she wanted to hear about. Damon was a gorgeous man and she could not deny that.

Suddenly, she realized that she had been holding her breath and she quickly let it out. A blush tainted her skin as she glanced down at the game and tried to ignore the way that her heart was pounding loudly against her ribs.

Once the eye-contact was broken so was the trance that Damon had found himself in. He grinned and raised the box up to his chin so that it met her eyes. "Candyland?" He waggled his brow at her and she laughed and looked down embarrassed, hiding her blush behind her hair.

"Uh... Yeah, sure." Bonnie said.

_'When You Are Left With Only A Bullet,_

_I'll Bring The Trigger And A Promise To Pull It._

_I'll Be The End Of Everyone Who's Ever Entered Your Life,_

_And Taken Pieces Out Of It.'_

"You're cheating again, Damon!" Bonnie accused as the older man once again won the game.

"Who says I'm cheating." He grinned. "Maybe I'm just that good." His eyes widened as he said the word good and Bonnie blushed a little and rolled her eyes at him. It was starting to get weird the way that his words and facial expressions effected her, and she didn't know if she liked it or not.

"I doubt that."

"It's the last group of the night you two. Put up the game and join us in the other room." One of the workers told them.

Both of them glanced over at the clock and they were surprised that so many hours had passed already. Most of the time it seemed like the hours dragged on in the institution. You couldn't see the sun or the outside world so you couldn't tell if it was light or dark out. It was crazy how much that changed your perception of time.

"I can't believe it's already 9:30." Bonnie told him as they packed up the game.

"Well, you know what they say Bonnie." Damon caught her eyes with his and she felt herself shiver under the contact. "Time flies when your having fun."

Once the game was packed up, the two of them headed toward the room where they had the final group. Damon reached out and held the door open for Bonnie who smiled and thanked him as they headed into the room. They both took seats in the recliners furthest away from the worker and right next to each other. The two had been nearly inseparable all day.

"What's today's group on?" He lent over the arm of his recliner and asked.

"I think it's on goals." Bonnie said.

"Great."

The worker smiled and took a seat in the center of the room. This time there were no papers passed out and no groups of individuals. Instead, he just smiled and said, "Hello everyone. How are you all feeling this evening?"

There was a wide assortment of responses. Some people sounded like they were doing better, others were excited that they were finally getting discharged tomorrow, some were hopeless and depressed, and others were angry at him for even having the nerve to ask the question at all. Damon was one of the angry ones. He was so tired of telling people what happened with Katherine and having no one believe him. He didn't want to be locked up any longer. He wanted to get back to his life.

_'At least I'm not alone anymore...' _The thought confused him. He was happy that he was getting closer to Bonnie, but it still terrified him. He didn't want to ever lose someone close to him again.

"Tonight's group will be simple." He told them all with a cheery grin that made Bonnie sick. She hated when they were so happy. "We are going to take turns going around the room and telling everyone what is one thing that you were grateful for today. And what is one goal that you have for tomorrow."

The worker told them where to begin and the patients started to tell him what they were grateful for and what there goals were. Some were grateful that they finally got in contact with their family members, some were grateful they were discharging, others were grateful for the friends that they had made, and then there were the people who were just grateful to still be alive. There goals ranged from as simple as getting out of bed to a long list of hundreds of things they wanted to accomplish.

Finally, it was Damon's turn.

It took a lot to baffle him, but currently he was. He didn't know what to say. _'What is one thing I am grateful for today...' _He found himself unintentionally looking to the young woman sitting beside him and his heart jumped. In that moment he knew what he was grateful for. Bonnie. She was the only thing making this experience better for him.

"I'm grateful for playing Uno and Candyland with a friend today."

Everyone knew who he was talking about, including Bonnie who felt her skin warm at the thought. She had been thinking the exact same thing. Spending time with Damon today had changed her entire experience. She still wanted to leave the institution, but he made the cravings lessen just a little and he made her smile.

"And your goal for tomorrow?"

"There's no chance in Hell it will happen." Damon grinned. "But, I want to get outta here."

"You never know." The worker tried to stay positive.

"Oh, trust me, I know."

"Alright! On to the next person." Once again his words were completely dismissed by the staff and he let out a loud sigh. He was so tired of talking to people who didn't even care to listen to him. Wasn't that the whole point of these places? People go to mental institutions because they need someone to help them and the workers and doctors do that. Damon was starting to think that it was more like a prison. A place to keep mentally unstable people off the streets and away from society.

Bonnie could tell that Damon was upset that he wouldn't be leaving soon and she wondered how he knew that. Did he have chemical dependency problems like she did? That would keep him longer. _'He looks like he is withdrawing from something... And he doesn't look like he's sleeping well. I really wonder what his story is.'_

"The thing I am grateful for today is the same as Damon's." This caused him to turn and look at her. "I had so much fun playing games with you today."

He didn't want it to effect him the way it did. Because every time that Bonnie's words warmed his heart it made him feel sick to his stomach and guilty. You weren't supposed to be interested in another woman after your wife died. He still loved Katherine.

"And I guess my goal is the same too." She laughed. "I want to get out of here more than anything."

"Well." The worker smiled. "Best of luck to the both of you."

_'I have a feeling that neither of us are that lucky.' _The words replayed in her head.

_'I'll Give You Enough Time To Regain Your Composure,_

_To Reconstruct A Heart That's Torn Apart From Over-Exposure._

_I Know Forever Isn't Long Enough To Forget The Faces And Places_

_That Played Out Your Tragedy.'_

It was two o' clock in the morning. Darkness filled the main room of the ward. The only light that illuminated the room was the lights at the desk that the workers hid behind and the low glowing light flickering from the television screen.

Bonnie and Damon were sitting side by side in the recliners. They were sitting closer to each other then they had the night prior and their hands were both up on the same arm rest. They weren't touching. Neither of them were prepared to deal with both the external and internal consequences of pushing that boundary. They didn't know each other well enough to hold hands. They didn't know themselves well enough at this point to even attempt to find romance in the mental ward.

Still, both of them found comfort in the way that their hands felt resting next to each other. Bonnie could feel the warmth radiating off of Damon's skin and she wondered momentarily what it would feel like to reach out and rest her hand on top of his.

Glancing down at his hand she once again noticed the cuts that ran along his wrists. They still were fresh enough that they had stitches in them, but they looked to be healing. She wondered what had happened in his life to make him go to such lengths to kill himself. Those scars weren't for attention, they were deep, and he probably nearly died because of them.

Damon reached out his finger to poke Bonnie's hand and she jumped and looked up at him with wide eyes.

She hadn't been expecting him to touch her.

Now she was staring directly into his captivating eyes again and she found herself lost in them. The flickering light of the television screen danced along his porcelain skin and illuminated it beautifully. Suddenly, Damon's eyes disconnected from hers and they landed on her exposed neck. She watched as they surveyed the skin there and she knew exactly what he was looking at. Her instincts told her to pull away and cover her scars, but she felt like it was sort of an important moment for them.

She wasn't scared that Damon was judging her. His eyes held no such feeling. They held concern and curiosity and perhaps a little sadness.

_'It's only fair Bonnie... You look at his scars all the time...'_

Damon wondered how Bonnie had gotten the scar. Was it self-inflicted? Had someone else inflicted it upon her? The thought of someone hurting the innocent woman sitting beside her made his stomach twist and his blood boil. He couldn't stand the thought of someone intentionally slitting her throat. He clenched his fist as he thought about what all he would do to the person who hurt Bonnie.

"Are you okay?" She asked in an insecure tone, turning her head so that he could no longer look at her scar.

"Yeah."

They turned their attention back to the infomercial that was on the television and they both watched it with blank stares. Their minds were lost elsewhere. Bonnie was chewing on her full bottom lip and trying to figure out how to delve deeper into Damon's mind. She wanted to know more about what he was going through. She felt that the two of them had gone through similar experiences and both lost someone important to them. At least that was what she assumed he had meant in group.

Damon was still thinking about a man hurting Bonnie in such a way and it was infuriating him. The thought of her in pain like Katherine had been made him sick. It made him even more scared to get closer to her.

But, deep down, he wanted nothing more.

A few minutes passed and the thoughts were still weighing on Bonnie. She needed to know if he had lost someone important to him like she had. She needed to talk to someone who could actually relate to what she was going through, who actually understood why she turned to drugs to cope with the pain.

"Damon." She started.

He didn't look at her, but he answered, "Yes?"

"Did you." She paused and anxiously thought over how to ask the question. Finally, she decided to just do it. Letting out a breath she asked, "Did you lose someone you loved?"

Blue eyes were focused intently on the screen, but his heart was clenching painfully in his chest. "Yeah." He muttered.

"Me too."

_'I Felt The Sun On My Face For The First Time,_

_And Tasted Blood On My Tongue For The Last.'_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**OH MY GOSH! Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They made my day! :)) I've decided to add in Caroline before Rebekah and Kol if that's okay. But that probably won't be for a few more chapters. Have a few more Bamon centric chapters coming up! Please do tell me what y'all thought of this chapter! I love hearing from you guys! Do you like how they are moving at a slow pace, but starting to open up to each other? Do you want me to speed he pace? What was your favorite part of the chapter? What would you like to see next? ANY IDEAS! I will take them all and use em! :))**

**Thank you guys again for the reviews! Send me some more love and I promise to get the next chapter up ASAP!**

**I love you guys! **

**-Tracy Cook**


	7. Goodnight Sweetheart

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character. _**Bold Italics are Memories. ** __'Italics are Thoughts'._

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all. **

Rating: M

**Goodnight Sweetheart**

His morning was spent searching the endless halls of the ward for a certain petite woman he had bonded with.

But there was no sight of her anywhere.

_'She is probably just sleeping still.' _He concluded. Knowing that it was silly to be worried about Bonnie. Just because he was starting to get close to her didn't mean that something bad would happen to her. She was fine. He just needed to preoccupy himself until she woke up.

Damon rarely attended any meals, but today he decided to attend breakfast. It served as a distraction for his paranoid sleep-deprived mind. At least he had hoped that it would. Yet, as he sat in the cafeteria at a table all by himself, picking away at the disgusting excuse for food on his plate all that he could think about was Bonnie.

His mind was conflicted and a mess of confusion. Honestly, he didn't think it was possible to form such an attachment to someone so quickly after losing someone you loved. Then again, maybe that was normal. Maybe that was his way of reaching out to someone. Maybe that was his way of asking someone to finally listen to his story and believe him. If that was the case though, then why was he so scared for Bonnie to find out the truth about him? Why did he care so much if it scared her away?

Why did he care so much to see her again?

Why did he care at all?

Damon stabbed his fork aggressively into what he assumed was a green bean and then popped it into his mouth as he stared up at the clock on the wall.

His eyes connected with the second hand and he watched as it ticked away. Time seemed to move so slowly in the institution and it was starting to irritate him. He just wanted to spend time with Bonnie again. She was the only one who helped pass the time. When he was with her the weight of his guilt wasn't as heavy and he could finally relax and enjoy himself again.

Which of course made him feel guilty later. But, that was besides the point.

When he could no longer force the food down his throat, he wiped his hands clean on the napkin and set it on the plate pushing it away from himself. Standing to his feet he turned and walked toward the exit of the cafeteria. He didn't care to throw his trash away. _'That's what they are getting paid to do. Not me.' _

His heart sped up as he approached the main room of the ward. It was getting a bit later in the afternoon now and he was really hoping that Bonnie would be awake and watching television. She never attended breakfast. In fact, he had never seen her attend a meal at all. As he reached the main room he quickly scanned over the group of people who were sitting in the recliners and watching the television and with each face he witnessed his heart fell.

Bonnie wasn't there.

Damon let out a sigh and walked toward the television. There was currently a group of men sitting around and watching a football game. He hated football and he wasn't about to suffer through it. So, without a care in the world he reached up and started to flip through the channels until he found a suitable television show. All the men screamed and shouted at him in the background about how the game was important and 'blah, blah, blah.' He had zoned out so he didn't hear anything else that they said.

Turning on his heels he started toward the group of men and offered them a nearly demented grin, "Sorry boys. There is no way I'm watching football all day." His words were laced in sarcasm and annoyance.

If he had to suffer through another day in the ward, without his friend, then he was going to at least watch something he wanted to watch.

"There's a TV in the other room. Go watch it in there. We were in the middle of the game."

"And now the game is over."

"Who the fuck gave you the right to control the TV?" The man asked. He looked prepared to stand up and fight about it and this only served to amuse Damon. Was he really willing to risk getting restrained over a football game?

Damon took a step toward him and stared deep into his eyes as he spoke. "I did."

There was something behind his eyes that caused the man to stop arguing with him. He couldn't explain what it was. There was a glimmer of something terrifying there though and his smile held such confidence. So, instead of fighting back he gathered the other men and led the way toward the other room with a television. It would be easier to take that one over then to argue with the strange man.

He watched as the men walked away and his lips curled victoriously as he took a seat in one of the recliners and stared up at the television.

_'Now if only Bonnie would wake up so we could watch together.'_

_'Trust Me._

_She's Got An Anxious Disease. __It's Keeping Her From Sleep._

_It's Nothing To Do With Me. __Just A Pill That She'll Always Need.'_

Damon had already attended the final group of the night and he had still not seen Bonnie anywhere. Now he was once again sitting out in the main room of the ward, monopolizing the television, and worrying about the young woman.

_'Where the hell is she? Everyone is required to go to the last group... So why wasn't she there?' _He wondered to himself as he barely focused on the show that was flashing across the screen. He had his elbow resting against the armrest and his fingers tangled in his long hair as he tried to internally figure out what was going on with her.

_'Was she released today?' _

The thought caused him to have a mix of emotions. Some of which made him feel like a terribly selfish human being. Of course he wanted her to be happy and to have her freedom, but there was still a part of him that wanted her to stay in the ward with him. The thought of her just leaving without saying goodbye to him caused his stomach to twist uncomfortably and a strange feeling to form in his chest. He couldn't quite explain it. All he knew was that he didn't want her to leave him there alone.

_'No. She couldn't have left. I would have saw her filling out paperwork and cleaning out her room... And she would have said goodbye to me, right?' _

He dug his fingers into his scalp and continued to think. _'Maybe she's just sleeping... Sleeping all day though? I hope she's okay...' _

Suddenly, his eyes focused on the television and he realized that CSI was on. Normally Damon would have been excited to see that one of his favorite television shows was on, but tonight was different. After the evening that he had spent with Bonnie he felt inclined to change the channel and watch the sitcom that she liked.

It was odd.

He didn't understand how one woman was effecting his behaviors so much.

But, he missed her. And in some way he felt like if he watched the show then it would be sort of like spending the night with her. Maybe time would fly?

Standing to his feet he walked across the room and flipped the channel to Fox. Then he returned to his chair and once again rested his head against his hand as his eyes met the television screen and he watched the comedic show. It was actually pretty funny. And it did make him think of Bonnie and the night that they had shared.

_'I bet she would love this episode.' _His lips twisted up into a smile.

After the show had concluded, Damon once again stood and walked toward the television. This time turning it off. No one else was awake still and the staff wasn't acknowledging his presence so he decided that he would just go to sleep and hope for a more eventful day tomorrow. _'I don't know when the hell my eventful days became playing kids games with a stranger... but I miss it.'_

Heading toward his room he stopped mid-step when he heard something coming from one of the rooms near his.

Someone was screaming and crying.

He recognized the voice.

_'Bonnie?' _Damon wondered, turning and heading toward the room. He glanced over to see if the staff was watching him and quickly realized that they were lost in their own world. They were chatting idly about gossip and other things and no one was paying attention to the main room. _'Wow. These workers are the worst.' _This of course was good news for him.

Moving closer to the door he peeked inside and he witnessed Bonnie violently tearing at her skin with her fingernails and screaming out into her pillow. She was practically hyperventilating and her hair was drenched with tears.

The sight shattered him.

Her skin was torn open and he could visibly see blood on her arms and neck. And she was screaming 'leave me alone' over and over again. Damon just wanted to do something to help. Something to ease her worries and make her feel better. He just didn't know if he should invade. People deserved to have their own privacy and he didn't want Bonnie to get upset with him.

"Why won't you just go away!" Bonnie screamed loudly, throwing her body against the bed.

That was Damon's cue.

He wasn't going to just sit by and watch Bonnie suffer like all of the workers seemed willing to do. He was going to go into the room and talk to her, help her.

Glancing back over his shoulder he furrowed his brow and watched the workers intensely. They were all looking at something on the computer and laughing about some Youtube video. _'Typical. Bonnie is suffering and they are laughing.' _He was completely disgusted by it, but he took that opportunity to sneak through the cracked door and into the darkness of the young woman's room.

_'In The Bedroom. _

_She Takes Down All Of Her Clothes._

_Falls To The Floor Because She Knows,_

_Everything's Falling And She Doesn't Want To Stand Alone.'_

Damon didn't know how to introduce himself into the situation without startling her. He had never been one for sympathy and emotional conversations and he didn't know how to be subtle. So, he opted for being himself.

"Knock, knock." He said as he took a few steps into the room.

Bonnie was lost in another one of her hallucinations and she didn't know what was going on. _'It's probably just Jer again... But that didn't sound like Jer... That sounded like.' _She hastily sat up in bed and stared with wide green eyes at the man standing in her room. In the dark he appeared to be a lot scarier than she remembered and her heart was racing in her chest. She had learnt a long time ago that she couldn't trust anyone. Especially men.

"What are you doing in here? You aren't supposed to be here." She pulled the covers over her partially exposed body and readied herself to scream for help if he tried anything.

Damon waved his hands showing he was not here to cause her any harm. "I'm not going to hurt you, Bonnie. I just heard you crying and wanted to help." He admitted, praying that she would believe his words. If she screamed for help then there would be no way he would be getting out of the institution any time in the near future.

Plus, it wouldn't look good for his case.

"And why should I believe you?" Bonnie asked stubbornly.

"Because." He paused. "It's the truth."

Suddenly the two of them jumped when they heard someone walking toward the bedroom. Damon turned quickly and stared out the door and noticed the light of a flashlight in the hallway. _'Of fucking course. They don't check on her for hours and now that I'm in here they have to come do their rounds?!' _His eyes were wide as he ducked behind the door and lifted a finger to his lips signalling for Bonnie to be quiet and not give anything away.

She didn't know why she trusted him in that instant. He was a complete stranger and she had no idea why he was in the mental institution, and yet she felt like he was telling the truth.

Bonnie lay back down in bed and twisted beneath the covers pretending to be asleep as the worker shined their flashlight into the room to check if she was there. Damon was holding his breath as he stood behind the open door and waited impatiently for the young woman to walk away. His heart was racing in his chest and he was terrified. If they caught him in the room then they would send him to another institution, or worse.

Finally, he heard the footsteps fade into the distance and the light disappear and he let out a loud sigh of relief. "That was close." He said, taking a few steps toward the bed and smiling down at Bonnie.

"Yeah." She was still hesitant about his intentions. "Just remember. If you make one wrong move I will scream for them."

"Wow." His eyes widened playfully. "Someone doesn't trust me."

"Is that a problem?"

"Nope." He smirked. "That's actually probably for the best."

The weird part was that despite his words Bonnie found that she did trust him. And just sitting in his presence was enough to make her worries lessen, her cravings weaker, and her hallucinations seem less scary. It was crazy to her that one man could make her feel so alive again. She didn't even know anything about him. She didn't even know his last name.

Bonnie stared at him for a moment longer, her eyes judging him and trying to read him, and then she moved to the side of the bed giving him access to sit down beside her.

Damon took the offer gladly, sitting beside her on the bed and staring over at him. She blushed as she lost herself in the intensity of his eyes. She always seemed to do so. They held so much concern for her that it was impossible to deny he cared. For whatever reason he cared.

He didn't even know where to begin. How do you be there for someone? Do you just sit in silence and wait for them to talk? Do you lean over and show physical concern and affection? Do you ask what is wrong? He had no idea. This wasn't something he had much experience in. His eyes traveled over the exposed skin of her shoulders and he had to force away the inappropriate thoughts that attempted to invade his mind. _'This is not the time or place to notice those things...'_

Instead of focusing on how smooth her skin looked, he focused on the deep scratches along her wrists, arms, and neck.

They distracted from her beauty, but they did not take away from it.

If anything the marks only made Damon find her more beautiful. They made him relate to her and find beauty in her humanity. People were always trying to keep their emotions in check and sometimes that was impossible. He would never blame someone for falling off the deep end.

He was already deep in the abyss himself.

Reaching up, he gently lifted her wrist with one of his hands. Immediately he realized just how small her hand was in his own, he realized how frail and easily breakable it was and it made him sorrowful. He hated that she was so broken. Tracing his fingertips over the deep scratches he furrowed his brow in concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I'm fine." She insisted, but her voice broke with the weight of the emotions she was feeling and her heart was racing a million miles per hour due to him touching her.

"You don't look like you're fine." He stated pointedly. "You look like you are falling apart. Just like me."

Bonnie visibly shivered as Damon traced his fingertips over the sensitive skin of her wrist. "No." She whispered under her breath. "I'm fine."

"Okay. I won't push, but if you need to talk I'll be right here." For the first time his smile looked completely genuine. His words were not drenched in sarcasm and he did not have that teasing glint in his eyes. He was just telling her that he was there to listen. He was there to understand her.

Something made her believe that he could.

Silence filled the air between the two of them and Bonnie chewed on her full bottom lip as she stared down at his fingers. She could feel her skin tingling wherever he touched her and it caused a soft blush to rise along her cheeks. There was something comforting about just having someone there sitting beside her who cared to break through her walls.

"Last night you said." She paused and took in a shaky breath. "You said that you lost someone you loved."

"Yeah. I did." His chest clenched painfully.

"Who was it?" Parts of her worried that she was intruding, but then again he was the one who came into her room uninvited and started asking her things.

Damon felt sick. His brow furrowed and his eyes glazed over with tears. He didn't dare cry though. This wasn't about him it was about Bonnie. He just missed Katherine so much. "My fiance." He forced out the words. "We were supposed to get married this May."

Bonnie didn't ask all of the questions that she wanted to. She knew that her questions would be answered at a later time. Right now was just about revealing secrets and bits and pieces of their broken lives. She reached up and placed a hand gently over his causing him to stop moving his fingertips and to look into her eyes. Green searched blue for the answers and she found them. He was devastated. He had lost his fiance similarly to how she had lost Grams and Jer. She could see it in his eyes.

"I lost my boyfriend." She held back her tears but Damon could see them in her eyes. He hated seeing her in pain. "And my Grams. They were the most important people to me."

Damon didn't know what else to say, so he said, "I'm sorry."

It was a small gesture. But he meant it.

_'Who Is To Tell, Of The Quiet Hell,_

_Cast In Your Soul, Burning You Down._

_A Patient To Sick To Wait, You Sought To Medicate,_

_You Meant To Feel Better, But All You Feel Is Nothing Now.'_

Somehow as hours passed they found themselves finding comfort in each other's warmth.

Bonnie and Damon were laying in the bed side by side and staring up at the ceiling. They weren't quite touching, but they could both feel the security and warmth of the other person's body and once again their hands were side by side. Close enough to touch, but still keeping their distance.

They had spent the last few hours talking about their loved ones. Talking about memories that they shared with Katherine, Jeremy, and Grams, and how they missed their loved ones. Bonnie didn't reveal any of the details about how they died and neither did Damon. The didn't reveal their dark drug addictions or their demented dreams. Even though it was evidently etched into their skin that they had dark stories, they just shared in reminiscing about the happier times and enjoying each other's company.

Damon could feel his heart pounding in his ears as he tried to convince himself to make a move. To show his comfort in a more physical manner.

He was so worried that if he crossed any boundaries he would lose Bonnie and right now she was all that he had.

"It's nice to have someone laying next to me again." Bonnie muttered, her eyes closed now as she felt her mind drifting away into a dozing state. She hadn't slept well in so long without medication and now, laying next to Damon, she felt at peace. She felt like she could drift away into her dreams.

His lips twisted up and he finally bridged the gap between their hands. Reaching out, he took her hand in his own and laced their fingers together. Both of them were shocked that he finally did it, but neither of them made a big deal out of it. They just pretended like nothing had changed. Despite the way that their bodies were reacting to the contact.

His skin against hers caused her body to ignite in ways it hadn't since her last high.

Bonnie knew that she shouldn't allow it to get the best of her. She had an addictive personality and if he made her feel again then she could easily get addicted to him. But, she couldn't help it. The feelings were too real.

"Yeah. It is nice." Damon felt a pang of guilt when he agreed to her statement. Katherine was always on the back of his mind, haunting him, reminding him that he was possibly responsible for her death. It made him feel even more guilty that he was enjoying holding Bonnie's hand. It made him want to pull away, but he didn't.

His eyes flickered closed and he was hit with the reality of not sleeping for over two weeks.

Usually he was so anxious and guilty feeling that he forced himself to stay awake. But, here laying next to Bonnie, holding her delicate hand in his own, he felt like he could fall asleep at any moment. _'Don't you dare fall asleep... Do you want to kill her like you killed your wife? Do you want her to suffer like Katherine did? Do you want to lose her too?' _His mind taunted him.

Damon couldn't handle the thought of causing Bonnie pain so he quickly sat up and attempted to stand to his feet.

She pulled his hand and stopped his movement, staring up at him with sorrow-filled emerald eyes. "Where are you going?"

"I-I can't fall asleep in here." He pulled his hand away from hers and forced himself to ignore the guilt he was feeling when she looked offended. It was better to offend her and confuse her then to murder her in his sleep. "I can't fall asleep, Bonnie." He was panicking and it was evident to her that he was terrified to fall asleep next to her. She just didn't understand why.

"Why not? If you are scared you're going to get caught we can always wake up before they call for breakfast." Bonnie wanted him to stay. She felt safe with him.

"I can't risk it, Bonnie." Damon realized that she thought he was talking about getting caught, but he was okay with her thinking that. He didn't want her to know what he really meant.

"But-"

"-I can't."

With that he turned and walked toward the door. Leaving behind a very confused young woman.

_'Goodnight, Sweetheart,_

_There Is Nothing More To Say._

_Things Fall Apart. __Hearts Are Broken every Day.'_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I decided to give you guys another chapter filled with Bamon goodness! I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter and please do tell me what y'all think! I have the outline for the next chapter written out already so if I get enough reviews I promise to add the chapter tomorrow! :)) Anyhow, how are you guys liking the Bamon? Am I writing it well enough? Are y'all excited to see Caroline's introduction to the story and the start of a Baroline friendship and Rebekoline romance?**

**Please do tell me what y'all thought of the chapter! **

**As always I love you guys so much and you guys keep me writing! Thanks for everything!**

**-Tracy Cook**


	8. Am I Insane?

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character. _**Bold Italics are Memories. ** __'Italics are Thoughts'._

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all. **

Rating: M

**Am I Insane?**

"What the fuck, Tyler!?" Caroline couldn't believe what her boyfriend was telling her.

A month ago he had deleted his Facebook page because he had said that his exes wouldn't leave him alone and now he was admitting that all of that was a lie. That he had went out one night and got drunk with a girl at the club and went home with her. Then she had tried to contact him and attack him on Facebook so he deleted his site so that his girlfriend wouldn't find out. Her muscles were tense and her heart was racing as she listened to his excuses. That was all they were to her. Excuses.

"It only happened once, Care. I promise." He said with a fearful look on his face as he took a step toward his girlfriend. He was worried about their relationship falling apart and her never forgiving him for his mistake, but more than that he was worried about her.

When she was hurt she had a tendency to react in the wrong way.

Caroline laughed and threw her hands into the air as she started to stomp around the apartment angrily. She had a feeling for a while now that he had been cheating on her. They never kissed any more, their love life was falling through, and he never wanted to be seen in public with her anymore. It was like he was always hiding her. "Is that supposed to make it better?!"

"No, Care. It's not supposed to make it better. I just-I wanted you to know that it meant nothing to me." Tyler took a step toward her and attempted to wrap his arms around her, but she swatted them away and glared into his eyes with angry blue.

"If it meant nothing then why would you do it in the first place!?" Her eyes were full of tears and her body was shaking now as she imagined him being intimate with another woman. The thought of him being inside of some skank made her sick to her stomach and feel like she was going to vomit. She just couldn't believe it. "We were planning our wedding Tyler! We were supposed to get married in three fucking months! How could you cheat on me!?"

"It was only once and it was an accident. I was drunk and she pushed herself on me and-"

"-And what Tyler!? You just couldn't say no?! Seriously!?"

"I love you Caroline. I never wanted to hurt you." He had tears in his eyes and she wanted more than anything to believe his words were true, but she couldn't. She couldn't believe that he would tell her to plan their wedding and that he was so excited about it and then in the last minute tell her he cheated on her. Was it all just to get rid of his guilt? Because she could have lived forever without knowing what he had done.

It was disgusting.

It changed everything that she once thought about him.

"If you didn't want to hurt me then you would have thought about that before you thrust your dick into some skanks pussy!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, startling him and causing him to look around. When Caroline screamed it always embarrassed him and made him feel like everyone in the apartment complex could hear what she was saying.

"Babe. Please, calm down. I don't want everyone to hear about this."

"Why not!?" She screamed again. Her mind was battling inside of her head and her body was shaking. She no longer felt like she had control over her body and she hated herself for being so stupid to believe that he loved her. After everything that had happened in her life she should have known better than to trust him. She should have known better. "If you didn't want everyone to hear about what an asshole you were then maybe you shouldn't have fucked some other girl behind my back!"

She screamed so loud this time that her voice cracked. She felt angry, sad, broken, and empty.

Caroline had given up everything to be with Tyler. She had moved to another state, she had stopped going to school, gave up her job, she had done everything just to make it work and then he goes and cheats on her? She knew that she could be over-anxious and she had a lot of problems. She had attempted to kill herself numerous times over the last year, but she still didn't deserve to be treated like this.

No one did.

"Look, I know I shouldn't have done it and I'm so sorry, but please calm down." He once again attempted to place his hands on her shoulders and comfort her, only to have them slapped away.

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down." She reprimanded angrily, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Please Caroline. Let's just talk about this for a minute."

"I don't want to talk about it, Tyler!" She screamed loudly, as she made her way across the room toward the table where her sleeping medication was. She had been having terrible nightmares about Tyler cheating on her and so she hadn't been able to sleep lately, so he convinced her to get sleeping meds. _'Fucking ironic. Now I know why he wanted me to get meds. Because he wanted me to stop asking him if he was cheating because he really was. Fucking asshole.'_

"What are you doing Caroline?" He moved toward her and tried to take the pill bottle out of her hand as she picked it up and opened it, but she moved away from him and held it out of his reach. She was actually taller then him.

Tyler knew what she was capable of and it scared him to death. His heart was racing as he again tried to get the pills out of her hand. She had tried to kill herself so many times since they started dating and he knew that this time would be enough to really push her over the edge. This was enough to make her not want to live any longer.

"Give me the pills, babe."

"No."

"Please? I don't want you to do anything stupid."

Caroline laughed at his use of the word stupid. She couldn't believe that in the midst of everything he was saying that what SHE was about to do was stupid. "Seriously!?" She screamed. "After what you just did to me you have the nerve to call what I'm about to do stupid!? What you did was stupid! You ruined everything! I hate you Tyler!"

With those words she downed the entire bottle of sleeping pills and swallowed them, throwing the empty bottle at him. "You want me to sleep so that I won't know your cheating! Well, I guess you'll get your wish now!"

Tyler screamed out scared and ran toward his girlfriend trying his hardest to get her to spit back out the pills, to vomit them up. He shoved his finger down her throat, but she wasn't allowing him to force her to throw them up. She fought back and tried to get away from him. "Leave me alone! Why the fuck won't you just let me die!?"

"Because, I love you Care!" He spoke frantically, trying again to shove his finger down her throat.

"That's a lie! If you loved me." She paused and sobbed loudly. "If you loved me then you never would have cheated on me! You never would have cheated on me!"

"We have to get you to the hospital!" Tyler tried to pick her up, but she thrashed around and screamed. Telling him that she wasn't going to the hospital. That she didn't want him or anyone to save her. She wanted to die. He screamed back that he would never let her die and he forced her down the stairs of the complex toward the car.

"You're gonna be okay, babe. You're gonna be okay." He was muttering the words more for himself than her. He could never live with himself if she died because of him. Glancing over he realized that she was falling asleep in the passenger seat and he reached over to shake her. "You gotta stay awake Care. You gotta stay with me."

_'Am I Insane? _

_I Ask Myself Over And Over And Over Again._

_Am I Alone?_

_Surrounded By Sin And I Think I Might Just Be Suffocating.'_

Caroline stared up at the lights above her hospital bed, her blue eyes large and puffy and her cheeks stained with tears. They had already pumped her stomach of the pills and now she was waiting for a doctor to see her. She knew the procedure. She had attempted suicide more times then she was proud to admit.

Tyler was sitting beside her with his hand over the top of hers and she knew that he was trying to bring her relief. He was trying to be there for her. He was trying to show her that he was sorry and that he loved her.

All he made her feel was hatred toward herself though.

He made her feel empty and terrible. She still couldn't get the images out of her mind and she wished that she had died so that she wouldn't have to think about him with another woman. She had so many questions. Was she prettier? What did she look like? What was her name? Why did he do it? Was he not satisfied by her? These questions kept repeating over and over in her head and she just wanted them to stop.

She had an IV in her arm and it stung every time that she moved. She was thankful for the pain because it reminded her that she was still alive.

"Babe." Tyler tried, but Caroline wouldn't look at him.

"Caroline, please, look at me?"

She chewed on her bottom lip and continued to stare at the ceiling. Honestly, she didn't want to see his face right now.

"Okay, you don't have to look at me, but at least listen to me." He paused and squeezed her hand gently and reassuringly. "I love you Caroline and I don't want to see you hurting like this. What happened between me and the girl meant nothing to me. I didn't even know her name. It was a mistake. You are the only one I want to be with."

Caroline didn't say anything.

The doctor made his way into the small cubical and he quickly checked her blood pressure and her breathing, which seemed to be normal, then he turned and started to read off of the chart. "Hm... It says here that you took thirty pills? What kind of pills were they?" He wondered, needing to know this information to decide what was going to happen to her. Although with Caroline's past they all knew where she was going to end up.

"They were my sleeping meds." She spoke in a monotone voice. Never taking her eyes off of the ceiling.

"And may I ask why did you take these pills?"

"Things got really stressful at home and I made a stupid decision." She knew how to talk her way out of things. If she told them that she wanted to kill herself then they would lock her away for good. "My boyfriend cheated on me after I gave up everything to be with him and so I got overwhelmed." She spoke spitefully and intentionally in order to hurt Tyler and blame him.

"I see. So this was only to prove a point, or were you attempting to hurt yourself?"

"I wasn't attempting to kill myself." Caroline tried.

Tyler wasn't going to allow her to lie though. He knew that if she got out of the hospital the first thing she would do would be to try and kill herself all over again and he wasn't going to allow her to do that. "She's lying. She took those pills to kill herself. She told me that was why she was taking them and she wouldn't let me take her to the hospital."

She glared at her fiance. "Is this true?" The doctor asked.

Caroline sighed loudly. "Yeah, it's true. But, like I said I was just being overemotional. It didn't mean anything."

"It says here that you have been admitted to the hospital five times this year for attempted suicide, and you have spent some time in inpatient care because of it. Is this true?"

Her heart sank and she felt sick to her stomach all of a sudden. It was obvious that she wasn't going to be getting out of the hospital very easily. "Yeah, it's true."

"In that case we can't just let you go, you know?"

"I know." She spoke through grit teeth. Caroline hated inpatient care. She didn't believe that it did anything to help her. All it did was take all of her money and prolong her desires to kill herself. In fact, being trapped in those facilities usually made her all the more depressed and suicidal.

"As long as you know. We will send in a psychiatrist to speak with you about your intentions and all of your options. Please wait here."

"Okay."

She wanted to jump out of the bed and pull the IV out of her arm, put on her clothes, and make a dash for it. Sometimes she hated the system. It didn't make any sense. She tried to kill herself so she went to the hospital to get help and now they were forcing her to stay. All that this ever made her feel was that the next time she tried to kill herself she was just going to not go to the hospital and die instead.

Not to mention on most instances she had been admitted for just cutting herself and not actually wanting to die. It was ridiculous.

"It's gonna be okay, babe."

_'No it isn't... Nothing is ever going to be okay again.' _Caroline thought to herself.

_'The Devil Came To Drag Me To Hell,_

_But, I'm Already There._

_I Won't Let You Be The Death Of Me, I Refuse To Let You Drag Me Down._

_I Won't Let You Make Me Out To Be, The One Who's In The Wrong.'_

"You are going to have to go to an inpatient facility. There is nothing else that we can do for you. It is against the law for us to discharge you if we think that you could be a harm to yourself or to others." The psychiatrist said and Caroline chewed on her cheeks as she stared at her. She couldn't believe what she was saying. Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest as she thought about being back in one of the institutions. She hated it in there.

"I'm not going."

Suddenly, Tyler glanced up at Caroline's heart-monitor as it started to go crazy. _'Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.'_ Her heart was racing rapidly and she was visibly nervous. He knew that she hated being trapped in those institutions, but he also knew that she couldn't be on the streets right now. She was too dangerous to herself.

"I am sorry, Caroline, but there is no other choice."

"I'm not going." She insisted again, this time her heart jumping over 130 and her eyes filling with tears that streamed down her face. She just wanted to be free of this anxiety and these racing suicidal thoughts. She didn't want to feel trapped.

"This won't help me. This won't help. Please, isn't there anything else I can do?" She begged.

"I'm sorry, but there isn't anything else we can do. The officers will come and talk to you in a moment and then they will bring you to the facility. I'm sorry." She sounded genuinely sorry, but Caroline was finding it difficult to believe her. If she was truly sorry then they wouldn't be forcing her to go to inpatient care. They would let her go with a warning.

_'If this wasn't the sixth time this year they probably would have...'_

"It's gonna be okay babe. I'll come and visit you every day and..." His voice trailed off when she moved her hand away from his. It broke his heart knowing that he had messed up so badly that she didn't even want to touch him anymore.

"I don't want you to visit, Tyler."

"But, you don't know anyone else in town."

"I don't care. I don't want to see you while I'm there." She insisted knowing that she was hurting him by the expression on his face, but she didn't care. On some level she was glad to hurt him after the pain that he had put her through. Maybe it didn't make her a good person. Still, she wanted him to suffer for cheating.

"Caroline?" A police officer asked, walking into the small cubical and smiling at her. He was older and sympathizing with her immediately. "I'm here to take you to the facility."

She had already taken the time to get dressed knowing that they would be taking her away soon. So, all she did was stand to her feet and follow him out into the main hallway of the hospital. Tyler was walking close behind her and it was causing her irritation to grow. She didn't want him to know where she was going, she didn't want him to visit, she didn't want him to be a part of any of this.

"You are going to have to leave that behind." The police officer said glancing down to the ring that was on her left ring finger.

Caroline stared down at it and for once since Tyler told her that he cheated on her, she felt sick and sad. She felt like she was losing the one person that she had promised everything to. The one person that she was meant to spend the rest of her life with. Gently she pulled the engagement ring off of her finger and she handed it to Tyler, wrapping it in his hand and telling him to hold onto it.

They both knew that what she meant was so much more than that. She was saying to keep it. She was saying that their engagement was over and that she could no longer be with him after everything that happened.

"I'll come and visit you." Tyler tried again.

"Please don't." She said with a sad smile as she turned and followed the police officer out of the hospital. She was surrounded by many more officers, just in case she tried to escape. Which she had already contemplated trying.

"Don't worry. The place you are going to is one of the nicest places in town." The officer tried to cheer her up, but it did little to help. "It has a swimming pool and everything. And a great view."

"I'm sure it does."

He hated seeing her in so much pain. It made him think about his daughter back home and what he would do if she had tried to kill herself, if she had gone through so much pain and suffering. No one deserved to feel so lost and so abandoned that they resorted to such things.

_'Am I Insane?_

_I Fold Myself Over And Scream Til I'm Spitting Blood._

_Am I Alone?_

_The Voices Grow Faint But They Just Won't Fucking Go Away.'_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I know that this chapter is very Caroline centric! I hope that y'all like it though! I shall be adding some Rebekoline romance soon as well as continuing the Bamon romance and adding in some Baroline friendship! :)) Please do tell me what you think! Last chapter I didn't really get many reviews so I am kind of worried that I am not writing well enough anymore, or keeping things interesting enough... I hope everyone is still enjoying this story!**

**Please tell me what y'all think of this chapter! I love Tyler by the way, but I decided that this needed to happen! Do y'all sympathize with Caroline or Tyler, or both? Hope that you guys enjoy it! Thank you guys so much for everything and please do tell me what y'all wanna see next! Oh and I lowered the amount of times she'd been in to five. But, I did want to have that character who suffers from depression and anxiety, but isn't going through QUITE as much as everyone else. Rebekah's storyline will be tragic... So yeah.**

**Thank you all for being wonderful! I love you guys so much!**

**-Tracy Cook**


	9. The Nothing That Kills

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character. _**Bold Italics are Memories. ** __'Italics are Thoughts'._

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all. **

Rating: M

**The Nothing That Kills**

It was standard procedure for the police officers to make her wear handcuffs out of the hospital, but the older man who was escorting her couldn't help but sympathize with her. She reminded him of his daughter. Not only did she look like her, but she also acted like her. His daughter was young and she didn't quite know how to control her emotions. She got into arguments a lot and she hurt herself when things got too overwhelming for her and he believed that the girl standing next to him as they walked out to the police car was the same.

She was a young woman who was struggling to find her identity and what would make her truly happy in life. She was still growing and learning and trying to understand just how difficult life could be.

Caroline Forbes was not a prisoner. She had not committed a crime. She had made a mistake and he didn't believe she deserved to be punished for it.

He opened the passenger door and allowed the young blonde to get inside the car, then shut the door and walked around to the drivers side. Once inside, he started the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot.

Blue eyes focused on the window as they pulled out into the street and started to drive. She watched as signs and buildings rolled by, and she knew that she would miss them. She watched as people walked the streets, and she envied them. She wanted to be walking the streets and going places, she wanted to be on her cellphone talking to her best friends, but instead she was in a police car on the way to the mental institution. She knew that this time she would be there for a while.

They wouldn't believe her this time when she said that she was no longer depressed. They wouldn't believe it when she told them that she no longer had suicidal thoughts and that it was only a one time thing.

Because it no longer was a one time thing.

And maybe she did have suicidal thoughts constantly.

They would see right through her this time. They would keep her there as long as they could.

"You know." The police officer started to speak, drawing Caroline out of her thoughts. She didn't dare look at him. "I have a daughter of my own that's just about your age and she did something like this recently. Things got too stressful and her boyfriend broke up with her and she just couldn't handle everything. She was in the hospital for days recovering and even after they pumped her stomach they weren't sure she would make it."

She didn't really know how to respond to what he was saying, so she simply muttered "I'm sorry to hear that."

"And I'm sorry to hear that you are going through the same thing as she did." He smiled gently over at her. As Caroline finally met his eyes she realized that they held sincerity and sorrow behind them. He really was sorry that she was hurting. "But, I want you to know that things really do get better."

"It doesn't feel like things are getting better." She laughed sarcastically, returning her eyes to the window.

Caroline was so tired of hearing the same words over and over again. Every time that she got suicidal or felt like her world was falling apart, people would tell her that things would get better, that time would heal all of her wounds. But, just when she felt like her wounds were healing something else terrible would happen and it would tear the scars open and leave her bleeding all over the floor again.

Her father said it best the last time that he talked to her. He said, "Life is a roller-coaster, Caroline. It will get better with time, but then it will probably get worse again." It seemed that happiness in life was the least consistent thing and yet it was the thing everyone wanted to attain.

"Maybe this is all part of helping things get better. Maybe you needed a break from your fiance-"

"-He's not my fiance anymore." She interrupted angrily.

The police officer smiled understandingly. From what he had overheard at the hospital, the young man had done something to really hurt Caroline and he didn't blame her for being upset with him. He just wished that he could show her that on the grand scheme of things, losing him wasn't worth losing her life. "Then maybe you needed a break from your ex-fiance." He corrected with another smile. "Either way, I think it will be good for the two of you to have some space so that you can figure out what to do with your life now."

Caroline didn't say anything. She knew on some level that he was right. She needed to take a break from her hectic life and Tyler in order to focus on herself. She just wished that she could do so somewhere else.

"I don't know what your beliefs are." He started, as they pulled into the driveway of the institution. The blonde could feel her heart sink and her stomach twist into knots as she saw the building. It was beautiful. _'A beautiful prison.. with a pool.' _"But, just remember that God has a way of helping people when they are at their worst. If you have faith in him then you will find your path." She hated that he was suddenly preaching to her. Caroline didn't believe God gave a damn about her. "I'll keep you in my prayers, Caroline."

Even though she didn't believe in God, she offered him a smile of gratitude. She knew that the man sitting beside her believed in God and that he thought that he was helping her by praying and that warmed her heart. It helped knowing that there was someone there with her who cared.

"Thanks."

_'I Can't Save You._

_Control Is Something Out Of Mine._

_I Can't Save You._

_Control Is Something Out Of My Control.'_

Caroline stared down at the unflattering hospital clothes that they had given her. She was wearing a baggy T-shirt and jeans that looked like they were from the 90's. The nurse had told her that she was not allowed to wear the clothes that she had been wearing when she was admitted because they were too revealing. She understood why. Some of the people in the institution could prey on her, but it made her feel even more like a prisoner.

She wasn't allowed to have any of her belongings in the institution. They gave her a new toothbrush, hairbrush, soap, shampoo, etc. And on top of it all they took away her clothes.

Now she no longer had an identity.

Her blonde curls were a mess as she walked into the main room of the ward. She had been in similar facilities a few times over the year, so she wasn't actually nervous about what she would find inside. She knew that there would be a television and a couple of patients walking the floors, the nurses would get her blood pressure and they would check her temperature, then they would show her to her room.

Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye she spotted someone walking down the hallway toward one of the rooms.

She immediately focused on the young woman and her heart sped up. The woman was wearing a t-shirt and some pajama pants, her hair hung down past her shoulders and was a beautiful shade of blonde. She had a broken look on her face that caused Caroline to squint her eyes and attempt to read into it. She couldn't see any scars along her perfect skin or any sign of attempted suicide, but she looked like she was empty inside. Her blue eyes were sunken in and lacked luster, her full lips held no expression, and she looked like she hadn't eaten in awhile.

Just as quickly as she appeared, the woman had disappeared into her room leaving Caroline curious about who she was.

"Come over here and take a seat, we need to get your blood pressure and temperature." The nurse said with a condescending smile as she guided her toward the chair in front of the main desk.

Caroline took a seat and she uncrossed her legs so that it would not effect the reading, then she held out her arm and waited for the machine to tell the nurse her blood pressure. She knew that it was standard procedure, but she thought that it was one of the most annoying parts of being in institutions. They woke you up like ten times during the night to check it. The nurse then checked her temperature and when she had cleared her as healthy she smiled again and led the way to her room.

"This will be your room for the time you are here." She smiled and headed into the room explaining all of the rules while staying there. She could have people visit during the visiting hours, they could bring her some things to drink, nothing to eat, no electronic devises. If she wanted another pair of clothes they could bring her something.

But, no one would be bringing her anything.

She didn't know anyone in town aside from Tyler and she refused to call him for help.

"You are required to attend one group a day, and we encourage everyone to attend meals. If you do not attend your meals then the doctors will take it as a sign that you are not feeling well." Caroline nodded her head understandingly and internally committed to attending every meal so that she could get out of the ward quickly. "You will meet with the doctor tomorrow and he will decide when you are to be released."

"Thank you." She forced a smile. She didn't even want to stay one night in the ward, but at least she had the chance to get out soon.

"You are welcome. If you have any questions please feel free to find me or any of the other employees and ask."

"I will."

With that, the nurse turned and walked out of the room and back toward the safety of her counter. Caroline watched as she interacted with the other workers and they laughed about something. Perhaps it was the immense paranoia that she suffered from, but she assumed that the woman was laughing at her and it caused her to grow frustrated.

Scowling, she headed out into the main room of the ward and she took a look around. There were a few individuals out and about, but not many. One stood out to her in particular.

She was sitting in one of the chairs staring up at the television. Caroline could see the lights from the television flickering across her beautiful face, it made her green eyes glow. She also noticed that she wore a similar look on her face as the young blonde that had walked by earlier. Her eyes were filled with many emotions that she couldn't decipher. But, she could clearly see confusion dancing in them and she wondered what was on the other woman's mind. It looked like it was weighing heavily on her, whatever it was.

Her eyes traveled down along her exposed neck and she bit down on her bottom lip as she noticed something on her neck. There was a scar that stretched from one ear to the other, it was dark and looked to be fresh. Or maybe not, but Caroline assumed that a scar like that always felt fresh. She wondered if the young woman inflicted it upon herself or if someone else inflicted it upon her.

The blonde slowly made her way toward her, taking a seat in the recliner beside her and focusing her attention on the television.

Caroline wasn't one to be quiet when she had something on her mind. Sometimes she could be blunt to the point of it being harsh and mean. Actually she was usually blunt to that point. She just didn't really understand how to sympathize with people.

"I love this show." She said with a smile as she watched the picture flash across the screen. It was one of her favorite sitcoms.

The woman beside her didn't say anything in response and it caused Caroline to worry that she was crossing boundaries. She didn't want to upset anyone, she just wanted to have someone to talk to while she was stuck there. There was no reason she had to be miserable AND alone, right?

"My name's Caroline, what's yours?"

The woman finally broke her trance with the television and turned to look at the blonde. She examined her closely, causing Caroline to almost feel uncomfortable under her eyes. She felt like the woman was reading into her. "I'm Bonnie."'

"Nice to meet you." She knew that under the circumstances that might have been the wrong thing to say. Was she supposed to say that in a mental institution? Or was she supposed to wish that they had never met and had never been there in the first place? More than anything she wanted to ask why Bonnie was in the ward, but she could tell by how difficult it was to get her to open up about her name that she would never open up about that. At least not yet.

"You too." Bonnie stated simply, returning her attention to the television.

Bonnie felt a little uncomfortable with how open the blonde sitting beside her was. She found it almost refreshing, but also extremely intimidating. And she didn't really have the energy to spend talking to her at the moment because her mind was lost on something else. She was still trying to dissect what had happened between Damon and her the night prior. She couldn't understand him. He was holding her hand and laying in bed with her and she was finally starting to feel again and then he just stood up and walked out of the room.

A million questions went through her mind in that moment and they had been infecting her thoughts all day.

_'Does he not like me? Am I not enough? Did he not want to sleep next to me? Where is he? Why did he run away? Who is he? What secrets does he have?'_

So far she hadn't had the opportunity to get any answers to her questions yet either, because she hadn't seen Damon anywhere since they parted ways. Once again she glanced around the room for any sign of the older man, but he was nowhere to be found. He hadn't come out of his room for any meals or groups today. Not even the mandatory one.

_'He's willing to get in trouble just to avoid me...' _

"Who's that?" Caroline's voice interrupted her thoughts and Bonnie quickly looked over at the blonde and then followed her eyes toward the woman she was looking at. Honestly, Bonnie had only seen the other woman on a few occasions prior to tonight. She had seen her walking the halls, but she never attended any meals or groups and she always kept to herself. For some reason the doctors brought her meals to her room. She didn't know anything about her, not even her name.

"I don't know." She admitted. "I've seen her around here sometimes, but no one really ever talks to her. The doctors bring her meals to her room and she just sticks to herself."

The blonde raised a brow and watched as the other woman headed back into her room. She didn't say anything to anyone. She had just wandered out into the ward, picked up a book, and then headed back into her room. Caroline was so curious about her.

"That's weird."

"Yeah." Bonnie shrugged her shoulders. She was really uninterested. When Caroline had pointed someone out she had been so excited because she had hoped that it was Damon.

"Hey there." Bonnie heard a familiar voice and she felt a rush of heated breath against her ear, causing her heart to jump and a blush to cover her cheeks. She knew exactly who was talking to her and her body reacted accordingly. There was something about Damon. He drove her crazy in the best way possible. "We need to talk." He emphasized on the word talk and raised his brows.

Caroline turned quickly and looked up at the man who was talking to Bonnie. Her blue eyes widened as she recognized his face. She had seen him on the news before she was admitted. He was a terrible man who had killed his wife and then plead insanity. There was no doubt about it. Her stomach clenched tightly as she watched him and Bonnie exchange flirtatious smiles. It was obvious that they liked each other and that scared the shit out of her. She didn't want to see Bonnie date a sicko like that.

"Who says she wants to talk to you?" The blonde defended.

"Caroline." Bonnie reprimanded. "I want to talk to him."

She furrowed her brow in frustration and forced herself not to say anything in front of Damon. But, it was really hard for her not to say anything. Bonnie wasn't her friend or anything, but she still didn't want her to get hurt.

"Yeah, Caroline." He stated sarcastically. "She wants to talk to me. Now, shoo." He waved his hand and his lips twisted up into a demented smirk.

"No. How about you shoo and let us talk for a minute and then she can talk to you."

"But-" Bonnie started. She didn't understand why the other woman was being so protective over her, she didn't even know her. She wanted to go and talk to Damon, she had been waiting to do so all day.

"-No buts! I need to talk to you first. So go away." She told Damon who rolled his eyes and walked across the room giving the girls some space in order to talk. He suddenly felt sick. He knew that his story was being displayed around the united states for everyone to see at the moment and he had a feeling Caroline knew about it.

He didn't want her to scare Bonnie off.

He needed her if he was ever going to find himself again.

_'No, I Can't Save You, But I Can Love You._

_I'd Like To Think That This Is Love._

_Lost In Second Chances, Without End,_

_This Is Romance.'_

* * *

**Author's Note: **

**Hello all of my wonderful readers! I wanted to thank you all for reading and leaving me reviews! My last chapter really didn't get many reviews so I'm really worried y'all are uninterested in me finishing this fic, but I love it and I hope you guys keep reading and enjoying it. Umm.. I changed the amount of times Caroline's been in the institutions to five, so that it's more realistic. :)) I want to know what you guys want to see? What do y'all think about Rebekah's character? What about Caroline telling Bonnie? Will she? Will she believe her? What will happen! ahhh Leave me reviews and I will get the next chapter out tomorrow! I love you guys so much!**

**Thank you for reading!**

**-Tracy Cook**


	10. Skeletons In My Closet

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character. _**Bold Italics are Memories. ** __'Italics are Thoughts'._

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all. **

Rating: M

**Skeletons In My Closet**

Bonnie couldn't understand why Caroline was making such a big deal out of her talking to Damon. She had no right trying to dissuade her from talking to him. _'It doesn't concern her who I want to talk to... It's none of her business.'_

"What is it?" She asked the blonde. Her eyes darting over to look at Damon who was waiting beside her room with a grin on his face. He waved at her, waggling his fingers playfully and her heart started to race. She had been waiting all day to talk to him about what had happened and now someone was standing in her way of doing so.

"I don't think that you should get involved with him." Caroline glared over at the older man. She had spite on the tip of her tongue.

It was evident that she did not trust him.

"Who says I'm getting "involved" with him?" Bonnie couldn't believe that someone who had just met her could already tell that she had feelings for Damon. This worried her. If she was being that obvious then the staff would catch on and they would have them sent to separate institutions. The thought of being separated from him at this point made her chest clench tightly.

"No one had to say anything." She said with conviction. "It's written all over your face that you are into him, and I really don't think it's a good idea, Bonnie."

"And why's that?"

Caroline didn't know if it was her place to tell Bonnie what she had witnessed all over the news before she was admitted. It seemed like if she told the other woman then she would not trust the information to be true. Damon would have to be the one to tell her. _'He should have already told her. How can you keep a secret like that from someone? Did he plan to just slip it into conversation later? 'Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, I killed my wife. How's life?'_

"I don't think that I should be the one telling you this." She bit down on her bottom lip and looked over at Damon. A part of her was scared to tell Bonnie the truth because she feared for her own life too. "But, I saw him on the news Bonnie." She returned her attention to the brunette.

Bonnie furrowed her brow and searched blue eyes for answers. She could see fear and worry behind them and she wondered what on earth she could have saw on the news that would scare her so much. "And?"

"And... He's done some terrible things. Like really really terrible things." Caroline's voice held sincerity and that frightened her. She didn't want her words to be true. She wanted the blonde to have been admitted to the institution for compulsively lying. "I know I don't know you, but I don't want to see you get hurt by him."

"Caroline, I'm sure I'll be fine." The hesitation in her voice gave her away. She was taking the words to heart.

"Just ask him about it, okay?"

Bonnie chewed on her cheeks and she thought it over. She didn't want to ask him about it. She didn't want this illusion that she had built about the man to shatter into a million pieces before her very eyes. But, she also didn't want to live in an illusion. "Okay. I'll ask him."

_'The Ghost Of A Pathetic Past Is Haunting Me Here, __More And More,_

_The Skeletons Are Laughing At Me Through The Closet Door.'_

"I thought you'd never get away from Barbie." Damon said with a smirk as Bonnie finally approached him. He had been waiting impatiently for her to come over and talk to him. There was something about the way that Caroline glared over at him that told him she knew why he was in the institution. The last thing he wanted was for her to be the one to explain the situation.

"Sorry." She laughed and flashed him a smile that told him his secret was still safe. It was a relief. "Caroline practically kidnapped me."

"And what exactly did Blondie have to say anyway?" He asked, glancing over at the woman who was still sitting in one of the recliners and staring at them. She was watching him closely and her eyes held hatred and anger in them. If he could have one wish it would be that people would look at him like they used to. Before he was labeled a murderer.

Bonnie examined him curiously. He really wanted to know what they had been talking about. That made him seem nervous and paranoid. _'What is this dark secret that you are hiding from me?' _

"Not much. She was just being over-protective. I'm not even sure if what she was saying was the truth." She didn't want to know if it was or wasn't. "Anyway, you said you wanted to talk to me about something?" All day she had been hoping he would come and find her so that they could talk about what happened the previous night, and now she just wanted to ask about what Caroline had said.

She just didn't know how to ask.

"Yeah." Damon glanced over at the main desk to check if the workers were watching them. Once again they were all chatting away idly and playing on their computers. _'Worst employees ever...' _"Come on." He nodded his head in the direction of Bonnie's room and headed inside, quickly, making sure that no one saw him. Bonnie followed closely behind him.

Surrounded by the darkness of her room, for the first time since being around him she felt like it was trapping her and suffocating her. She was scared. She didn't know if she could trust him any longer. She didn't know what kind of person he was. Caroline had said he had done terrible things. Her paranoid mind was running wild with things that he could have done.

_'He could have killed people. He could have kidnapped children. He could have raped someone...' _The thought disgusted her and caused her to compare him to the men who had hurt her in the past.

She didn't mean to, but she couldn't stop the flashbacks.

Bonnie watched as Damon plopped down on her bed and lent back against the wall with his legs crossed and propped up on the mattress. She bit down on her full bottom lip as she watched him pat the bed beside him, and she eyed the spot warily. Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest, this time not because she was attracted to him, but because she was scared of him. The way that his blue eyes glistened playfully looked almost evil in the darkness of the room.

Sitting on the bed beside him was Grams. Blood was pouring from her throat and running down over her chest and all over the sheets. Her hands were covered in blood and she was staring at Bonnie with those dead white eyes. Shaking her head and telling her no.

"Don't trust him, child." She gurgled. _'She's not really there Bonnie... She's a figment of your imagination...'_

"Don't just stand there, Bonnie, I won't bite." He attempted to lighten the situation even though he knew what was frightening her. Whatever Caroline had told her was making her hesitant. When he saw her jump at his words his stomach twisted uncomfortably. She was scared of him. The look on her face made him not want to attempt to get closer to her any longer. It made him want to give up on her before she gave up on him.

He didn't want to lose what they had already built. He didn't want her to look at him differently, like he was a monster.

Bonnie forced a nervous smile as she made her way toward the bed, taking a seat next to him. She made sure to keep some distance between their bodies, but she could still feel the warmth of his next to hers. Though she hated to admit it, despite her fear, she still enjoyed the contact. _'What is wrong with me? This guy could be completely crazy for all I know... Then again so could Caroline...'_

The thought calmed her.

Blue eyes stared at the space on the bed that separated the two of them and it hurt. He couldn't quite comprehend how or why it hurt so bad, but it did. He never wanted her to treat him like everyone else did.

"Bonnie..." Damon whispered under his breath his eyes filling with sorrow.

"Why wouldn't you stay and sleep with me last night?" Bonnie asked harshly. She wanted answers to the questions swimming around in her head. She needed to know more about him and if he wouldn't tell her then she needed to stop spending time with him.

He clenched his jaw tightly and furrowed his brow as he watched her closely. She looked angry with him. Like she was mad at him for hiding something from her, which he supposed she had every right to be. _'You better just be honest... She doesn't look like she wants to hear your smart ass bullshit...' _Sitting up, he put more space between the two of them. "I couldn't sleep next to you because I was scared to."

"Scared to sleep next to me?" She sounded a little offended.

Damon smiled and shook his head, running a hand through his long hair to move it out of his face as he spoke. "No. I would have loved to sleep next to you." His voice was suggestive and it caused a light blush to tease her skin. "I'm scared to sleep in general."

Bonnie turned her head so that she was looking at him. Her green eyes connected with blue as she asked the next question, she wanted to read them. Someone once said that the eyes were the windows to the soul after all. "Why are you scared to sleep?"

Sucking in his cheeks he looked up at the ceiling for a moment to collect his thoughts. He didn't know how much of the story he should tell her. _'It's better she hear it from me than Barbie.' _He internally reminded himself, before looking back into her eyes. If she was going to believe him then he'd have to be completely honest.

Memories of that night flooded back as Damon started to explain his fears. They were dark and vivid and morbid and they made his stomach churn.

"You remember how I told you that my wife died?"

Fear returned as she heard this. Immediately she jumped to conclusions. _'Don't do that, Bonnie. That isn't fair to him. Everything isn't always as it seems.' _"Yes, I remember."

"There was more to the story." He paused and his eyes glazed over with tears as he reached up and started to trace the outline of his scar through his shirt. He would never stop hating himself for what happened to Katherine. He blamed himself more than anyone ever could. Bonnie was looking at him expectantly, she had terror in her eyes and it made him want to back out and not tell her. But, he knew he had to if he wanted to keep her in his life.

"I might..." He took in a breath. "I might have been responsible for it."

Her heart stopped.

_'Never Meant To Cut So Deep. Just Enough To Bleed._

_Feel The Sting As You Get Closer. Closer To Me._

_Don't Let Me Hold Something So Delicate. I'll Shatter It With A Word._

_This Is Going To Hurt.'_

Her eyes were wide with shock, and her lips were parted as she stared at him. She didn't understand what he was saying. Was he saying that he may have accidentally killed his wife? How were you almost responsible for killing someone? _'Maybe it's just his guilt... I feel responsible for Grams dying because I ran and hid... And Jer because he was defending me... Maybe it's something like that.'_

"What do you mean, Damon?" The way she said his name was nearly judgmental, but she was still there so that meant something.

He hadn't scared her off just yet.

"A few weeks before Katherine died I-I kept having these crazy dreams about her dying in the most morbid ways. They were terrible nightmares and every day I would wake up crying and reaching out for her body, hoping that she was still breathing as I pulled her close to me. The nightmares were so vivid that I really thought she had died the first time."

Bonnie offered him a sympathetic look, but she did not reach out to touch him. She could see the longing when he talked about Katherine. He had loved her dearly. And he missed her more than anything.

A tear escaped Damon's eye and rolled down his cheek. He didn't even care to wipe it away, he was too lost in telling his story. Deep down he had wanted to tell the younger woman about his story for some time now. He had wanted her to hear him and understand him and believe him. He just wanted someone to really believe him. But the fear of her not believing him had stopped him.

"I told Katherine about the dreams." He said, laughing humorlessly. "Do you know what she said they were?"

"What...?" Her voice was soft.

"She said that they were just me getting the jitters because the wedding was coming up soon." Damon couldn't believe that he had listened to her. If he had just went and sought out help or medication at the time then she might still be alive. "Even when the sleepwalking started, she still said it was because of the damn wedding."

"The sleepwalking?" Bonnie wondered. She could already put together the pieces of the puzzle and she couldn't decide if she felt more scared or more sympathetic.

Damon knit his brows together and he dug his fingers into the scar in his chest, causing it to rip open again and start bleeding. Green eyes glanced down at his hand and she noticed the blood starting to soak through the fabric of his T-shirt and onto his fingertips, staining them red. Bonnie reached out and she placed a hand gently over his, holding it still and stopping him from further hurting himself. She didn't want to see him in pain.

"Yeah..." He paused and a few more tears fell. She could tell that he was trying to hold them back. "I kept having the nightmares, and then the week before Katherine died I started to sleepwalk. She found me standing over her in the middle of the night a few times, but she said that I was completely asleep. I didn't remember anything in the morning."

Bonnie felt sick. She knew where this was leading and it mortified her. She understood why Damon blamed himself and she hoped that she was wrong about what had happened. How could anyone live with themselves if they did that to someone they loved while unconscious?

She glanced down at the scars that ran up his arms. They were deep. He had intended to kill himself.

Now she understood why.

"The night she died I had one of the worst nightmares ever. It felt so real, and I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop myself... I tried so hard to stop, but my body wouldn't listen..." His voice quavered and more tears fell, rolling down over his neck and dampening his shirt. He didn't care any more. He didn't care about anything, but finishing his story and Bonnie still caring about him.

A tear fell from green eyes and she quickly wiped it away with the back of her free hand. His story was breaking her heart. She could see the sadness evident on his face. She knew that he had never meant to hurt his wife. He never wanted her to die. He loved her.

Bonnie pulled Damon's hand close to her and she planted a gentle kiss on the back of it. She wanted to show him that she was still there with him. That she still believed in him and she still trusted him, no matter what anyone else thought.

He felt better when her soft lips grazed the back of his hand. He felt like he hadn't completely lost her, he felt like she was finally going to know everything about him and maybe, just maybe she would stay. "When I woke up from the nightmare I rolled over to pull her into my arms like I normally did, to make sure she was still alive, and I noticed something wet on my hands. Lifting them up I stared at them and I realized they were covered in red." Damon swallowed hard and finally broke eye-contact with Bonnie.

He didn't need to say anymore. She already understood what had happened.

Damon had been sleeping and he accidentally acted out the dreams he was having. Whatever caused that to happen didn't matter, the point was that it did happen and he was broken because of it. Bonnie knew that people could lie about things like this and be really convincing, but there was something in his eyes that told her he was telling the truth.

He never meant to hurt Katherine.

Damon didn't like to cry in front of people, but right now he couldn't stop the tears as they rushed out. His eyes were closed and his free hand was on his head, it was throbbing. Probably from not sleeping for so long.

Suddenly, he felt small arms circle around his waist and he nearly pulled away out of shock that she was touching him. Not only was she touching him, she was hugging him. He just told her that he probably accidentally killed his wife in his sleep and Bonnie was holding onto him tightly and running her hands soothingly along his back.

More than anything he wanted to relax into the touch, but he felt guilty and tried to pull away. "Bonnie, you shouldn't be hugging me! I just told you I probably killed my wife."

"That's why I'm hugging you." She held on tighter. "You loved her and you never meant to hurt her, Damon. You miss her more than anything and you hate yourself for what you might have done. Why would I punish you any more for it?"

"Because I deserve to be punished."

"And you are being punished. By everyone else in the world." Bonnie pulled out of the hug just enough to look him in the eyes. Her arms were still wrapped around his waist though. Her lips twisted up into a small smile as she stared deep into his blue eyes. They captivated her as they always did and she found herself lost in the honesty behind them. He was telling the truth. She had no doubt about it. "How about you let me be the one person in the world who understands?"

"Because..." Damon muttered under his breath. "How can you understand? I don't even understand..."

"I don't understand why or how it happened, but I do understand that you never meant for it to happen." She smiled and lifted one of her hands to his cheek to wipe the tear from it. Her other hand now resting on his thigh. "I understand that you were so scared that you would hurt me that you refused to go to sleep with me. I don't think that a man who didn't believe himself would be so scared of his own story. Do you?"

He didn't have an answer for that, so he playfully waggled his brow and grinned. "I could just be lying you know?"

Damon had a way of making the most inappropriate jokes at the worst of times, but she found that it was something she kind of liked about him. And in that moment she didn't care what he said, she already made up her mind. He couldn't convince her to hate him. "You aren't."

"But I could be." His smirk stretched even further across his face as she ran her fingers through his hair. It felt soft to the touch.

"But you aren't."

Both of them noticed that as they had been talking the two of them had gotten closer to each other. Damon's lips were mere inches away from Bonnie's and their breath was mingling. Her heart was suddenly racing for a completely different reason then it had been earlier as she stared down at his lips and then back into his beautiful eyes. A blush covered her cheeks and she chewed on her bottom lip. Her fingers continuing to dance through his hair and down along the skin of his neck.

Damon felt like his skin was on fire as she touched it and his heart was pounding loudly in his ears. He wanted to lean forward and capture her lips, but he knew that this was not the time. This couldn't possibly be the time, right? He had just confessed about his ex-wife and he was a monster.

Why would anyone ever want to kiss a monster?

Bonnie ran her tongue along her lips as she once again glanced down at his. She felt herself leaning forward. She wanted to kiss him. Just the feeling of his skin against her fingertips was enough to make her body react. He made her feel alive again and no matter what happened in the past she did believe him. She trusted him.

"Bonnie-"

His voice was cut off as captured his lips with her own. The kiss started out slow and innocent, but quickly ignited with passion as Damon placed his hands on her hips and pulled her body closer to his. Bonnie let out a groan into his mouth, biting down on his bottom lip as he moved her. She could feel the heat between her thighs and she knew that she wanted him. She needed him. But, she also knew that she didn't want to push things with him. If they moved too fast then things would get messy.

_'He just told me that not to long ago he accidentally killed his wife... Neither of us are in the mental state to start a relationship... Who says it has to be a relationship? It could just be a little fun...' _Her mind teased, but she knew it wasn't true. They couldn't just have sex. If they did things would get complicated. Damon definitely wasn't over Katherine and she wasn't over Jeremy either.

Still, she couldn't deny the way that her body reacted as he ran his tongue along her bottom lip, begging for entrance.

"Mmm..." Bonnie moaned loudly, digging her fingernails into his scalp as she opened her mouth and allowed his tongue entrance. The minute that his tongue brushed against hers, she knew that she had to get out now before things got too heated. His taste was intoxicating, and the way that his tongue battled hers for dominance and his fingers dug into her hips drove her wild.

Finally, she forced herself to pull away from him and he stared up at her with a look of confusion. He hadn't wanted it to stop. He was scared that she was regretting trusting him. "Are you okay?" His breathing was labored due to the intensity of the kiss.

He had never felt anything like that before. Now he was scared he was going to lose it all.

"Yeah." She smiled, speaking between heavy breaths. She didn't want him to think that she wasn't okay, she was more than okay. _'Meaning, I'm very very aroused gahhh! Why does my mind always do this?' _"I just-I don't want us to get ahead of ourselves, Damon."

Leaning in she captured his lips in another kiss, this time it was short and sweet and left both of them wanting more. Damon watched her pull away and he noticed that her lips were swollen and coated in saliva from the passionate kiss they had just shared, her eyes had darkened with desire, and her chest was heaving lightly. It was very distracting, but he avoided it to the best of his ability. If Bonnie wanted to wait, then he would wait.

"I think that we both obviously have a lot that we need to work out." Bonnie laughed and looked around at where they were, signalling that they had dark histories. "And I don't think we should rush into a physical relationship just yet. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He smiled.

_'If You Are A Butterfly, I'm Suicide By Insecticide._

_If I Am Kerosene, Then You Are A Spark Just Waiting To Ignite.'_

* * *

**Author's Note :**

**Hey everyone! :)) Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews! I love you guys so much! I'm sorry for those of you who are not Caroline fans, I really do love her and Rebekoline and wanted it to be a part of the story. BUT this chapter was very Bamon centric and Bamon will be the main pairing of the story of course! As for this chapter I would really REALLY love to know what y'all thought! I have never really wrote any straight sexual scenes and I hope that I am doing a good job with it. Of course this was just making out, but in time I will attempt more... We'll see how that goes. **

**Thank you all so much for reading!**

**What do you guys want to see now that Bonnie knows? Did y'all like the make out scene? Do you think it was a good idea for them to stop or do you wish they would have kept going? **

**I love you guys! 3**

**-Tracy Cook**


	11. Paper Wings

**Prisoner In My Own Body**

By: Tracy Cook

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.

Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character. _**Bold Italics are Memories. ** __'Italics are Thoughts'._

**Pairings:** Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.

**Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all. **

Rating: M

**Paper Wings**

Caroline tapped her fingers impatiently against the armrest of the recliner she was sitting in. She continued to look back and forth between the room that Bonnie and Damon were in and the clock on the wall. Nearly an hour had passed since the two of them had gone inside and she was getting worried. She had contemplated telling one of the employees, but had thought better of it. She knew that if Bonnie was in trouble then she would scream for help and someone would rush in and restrain Damon immediately.

Standing to her feet she walked toward the bedroom and attempted to casually pass by it in order to see if the other woman was alright. She glanced into the room the first time she walked by it and she saw that they were laying in bed together holding each other.

_'Are they snuggling?!' _

To be certain that what she saw was reality, Caroline headed back down the hallway and peered into the room. This time stopping in front of the door to stare at the two lovebirds. What she saw was something she hadn't expected. Damon was laying beside Bonnie and staring down into her eyes, both of them were wearing smiles and he was tracing the outline of her face with his fingertips.

_'They look so happy... Maybe I should just let them do their thing... While keeping an eye on him of course. Just in case. I don't trust him.'_

Caroline started to head down the hallway, but her eyes were still fixed on the couple who were lost in a conversation that looked rather emotional. It was weird, but she almost felt jealous in that moment. She had just ended her relationship with Tyler and she missed the days when he had held her like that and looked at her with such need and desire. She missed feeling like he wanted her and only her.

She wanted to forgive him. She wanted to call him up and ask him to visit her. Still, she knew that even if she forgave him, she would never get that feeling back with him. That feeling like she was the only one in the entire world that he loved and desired. He had destroyed that when he slept with another girl.

_'Thud.'_

The blonde was nearly knocked to the ground as she ran into something hard. "Ow. " She groaned out in pain and annoyance, looking up to see what she had ran into. When her eyes met the object she realized that it was the same young woman that she had witnessed walking the halls earlier when she was admitted. She once again noticed just how sunken in her eyes looked. She appeared to be very tired and sorrowful. Yet, she was still stunningly beautiful.

_'Wow... If she was dressed a little differently she'd look just like a model... She has perfect features.' _She felt a mixture of conflicting emotions as she looked the other woman's perfect face and body over. She felt jealous. Caroline was easily intimidated by other women's beauty. But, she also felt another sensation. She felt physically drawn to the woman standing in front of her. _'Which is just crazy! I'm definitely not into women... So, why on earth do I find this girl so damn pretty?' _She couldn't understand the conflict between her mind and her body.

"S'cuse you." The woman said with a frustrated scowl on her features. She didn't apologize like any decent human would, instead she just continued to walk toward the bookshelf to search for a book.

Caroline stared after her with wide blue eyes and a baffled and angry look on her face. She couldn't believe that the other girl had been so rude to her. She just walked right into her, okay they walked into each other, but still! _'Seriously!? Are you kidding me!? She just walks right into me and then tells me I'm excused!? What the hell!? And why does she have to have that damn British accent? Like she needed to be any god damn sexier!' _She blushed a little at that thought and quickly pushed it out of her mind. The girl's attractiveness had nothing to do with anything.

She wanted to walk across the room toward the other woman and give her a piece of her mind. But, she didn't know what would happen if she did. And also, she was a bit intimidated. She didn't know why she was in the institution and if the doctors had to bring meals to her room she could be violent or unstable.

The other blonde picked out her book and stood back to her feet, turning to strut toward Caroline with a smirk on her lips now. As she walked past her she barely nudged her shoulder on the way to her room.

Caroline turned to watch her leave, her body shaking with anger. _'Did she really just run into me again? Really? What the fuck? BITCH!'_

_'Your Paper Wings Got Ruined In The Rain._

_Coat Hanger Halo Got Rusted._

_The Lace Fell Off The Dress You Made._

_You Are The Saddest Little Angel._

Blue eyes flickered across the pages of the book, reading each sentence with speed and accuracy. She chewed on her bottom lip as she flipped the page and furrowed her brow in intrigue. The only novels that they had at the ward were historical books. Luckily for Rebekah, history was her favorite subject. She loved learning about the past. It was amazing how so many things that happened throughout history added up to create the society that they lived in today.

The book she was currently entranced by was one with historical facts about the 1920's, which happened to be one of her absolute favorite decades.

She would often imagine what it would be like to be back in that time period, wearing a flapper dress and dancing throughout the speakeasies. Her thoughts were beautiful and romanticized, and each and every time she rewrote her history better than the life she had been handed. She was told by her therapist that she lived in these alternate worlds so that she would not have to deal with her real world.

She supposed he was right.

Just today the two of them had been chatting about it.

**_"Do you think that by creating these alternate universes you are attempting to be imaginative, or are you attempting to escape your reality altogether?" Her therapist asked, crossing her legs and looking over at the young woman who was seated across from her. _**

**_Rebekah had been attending therapy in the institution for some time now. She had no family left and nowhere else to go and according to doctors she was not stable enough to leave, so she had practically lived there for the last month. She didn't know when they would deem her worthy to leave and she didn't know where she would go once they did. So far, she had told them everything and they still were keeping her._**

**_They said that she lived within her delusions in order to protect herself from her fears of the real world._**

**_"I believe that I am merely an imaginative and creative individual." Her tone held annoyance and the therapist quickly picked up on it, sighing. _**

**_"Please take my questions seriously, Rebekah."_**

**_"How can I take them seriously when I think they are complete rubbish?" She wondered. "I'm not crazy. I do not live in the delusions inside of my head. I simply wish to be in another time period, I wish to be in love, swept away in the passion and happiness that comes with it."_**

**_"Then why, may I ask, do you not find that in the present time? You are a lovely young woman, I'd think that you have had plenty of opportunities to do so." _**

**_Rebekah knew what she was_**_**doing and she didn't like it one bit. Her therapist was attempting to point out a way that she had secluded herself from reality. She couldn't deny that she had though. Chewing on her cheeks she cast her eyes toward the other side of the room and she spoke honestly. "I have had quite a few opportunities, you are correct."**_

**_"And why have you not pursued any of these opportunities if it is only love you seek?"_**

**_"I have been far too busy with my hobbies." _**

**_"Do you have many hobbies?" She knew that people filling their time with hobbies and learning new things could also be a sign of avoidance. Rebekah was so scared to go out into the world and meet people that she partook in learning and teaching herself hobbies that she could do by herself. It was easier for her. _**

**_"I do."_**

**_"What are your hobbies?" _**

**_She didn't know how this was going to come back to bite her in the arse, but she knew that it was. "I enjoy playing many musical instruments, such as the guitar, the piano, and the violin, as well as singing. Along with these hobbies I enjoy reading, writing, and painting." She shrugged her shoulders. _**

**_"Did you teach yourself how to do these hobbies?"_**

**_Rebekah finally understood and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. "Indeed." _**

**_"I notice that all of the hobbies that you listed are solitary activities. You never partook in shopping with friends, going out to the movies, or playing sports?" She wondered curiously. She felt sad for the young woman for never allowing herself to enjoy these things that most young girls got to enjoy. It was not right to go through life without friends._**

**_"I was never one to play sports." Her voice held bitterness and anger that her therapist noticed. There was spite on her tongue. Something that she wasn't telling her. Something that she didn't want to tell her. Her jaw was clenched and her hands were balled into tight fists._**

**_"Is that all it was?" She pried._**

**_Rebekah glared over at her and her nails dug into the palms of her hands as she spat. "I was never allowed to play sports or have friends."_**

_'Your Wings Weren't Meant For This. __This Weather That No One Guessed._

_No Calm Before The Storm. __And It's Gone Before The Panic Sets.'_

Damon couldn't believe that Bonnie was still allowing him to lay in bed with her after what he had told her about Katherine. She had been the first person to really trust that he was telling the truth and it meant more to him than she would ever know. His eyes were connected with green as they lay in bed together, facing each other, and he was searching them for any sign that she thought of him differently. That she thought of him as a monster now.

They held nothing of the sort behind them. No anger or fear. In fact, she looked to be even more comfortable with him now that he had completely opened up.

_'She shouldn't be so trusting of me... I can't even trust myself...' _His heart started to race as he recalled the night that he woke up to find Katherine dead in bed with him and his hands covered in her blood. In his mind he was imagining if he accidentally fell asleep beside Bonnie and woke up to her dead. The thought caused him to become nauseous. _'She looks like she has so much faith in me... But, I can't be trusted, Barbie is right. I could hurt her...'_

Bonnie wasn't even thinking about what secrets he had revealed to her.

She trusted that he wasn't going to hurt her. She believed his eyes over what his mouth said, and they told her she was safe with him.

Gently, Damon reached out and he traced his fingertips along Bonnie's cheek and down along her jawline. As he touched her skin, she felt her body heat up and she lifted her chin a little to allow him more access to her neck. Cocaine had made her so numb that when she was with Jeremy she couldn't even enjoy the little touches and feelings that they elicited because she was just looking for her next fix. This was new, this was special. Every small touch caused her body to tingle and her stomach to fill with butterflies.

"Mmm..." She hummed as he teased her neck with his fingertips, running them over her collarbone.

He watched her closely as she lifted her head back and exposed more of her neck and chest to him. His eyes traveled down her long beautiful neck toward her slightly exposed cleavage and they darkened with desire. The mixture of the sight along with the soft moan that escaped her throat caused him to feel a familiar sensation between his thighs. He was aroused and he was growing more aroused by the minute. _'Shit. You need to calm down right now before she notices! That's totally not the definition of taking it slow, Damon. Think about something disgusting. Like Stefan having sex with Katherine. Gross.'_

Bonnie could feel something pressing against her thigh under the covers and a blush painted her cheeks as she stared over at him. She knew that she said that she wanted to take it slow, but the look he was giving her looked like he wanted to devour her.

She bit down on her bottom lip and tried to press her legs together for some sort of relief to the arousal building there. _'Just control yourself, Bonnie. That has never been something you've had trouble with before... You aren't ready to sleep with him... He doesn't even know about your past yet and all of your demons... Once he does he probably won't want anything to do with you.'_

Damon took in a breath and let it out, trying not to stare down at her lip as she bit it. He turned his body away from hers to be respectful and he tried to focus on thoughts that would force his arousal to go away.

She smiled when she realized what he was trying to do. It made her respect him. But, it didn't make her want him any less. She knew that eventually they would have to tackle all of their skeletons and expose them to each other, she just didn't want to deal with them tonight. All she wanted to do tonight was kiss him again.

_'He is such a good kisser... God... His lips are so soft and ugh...'_

Bonnie stared at him for a few minutes as he laid on his back with his eyes closed and his brow furrowed in frustration. _'Sexual frustration.' _Her mind teased playfully. She wasn't usually one to initiate things with guys. Ever since what happened to her she had been very standoffish about sex and being intimate with men, aside from Jer, so she didn't really know what she was doing.

She just knew that she wanted to kiss him again.

_'Okay. Just count to three and then roll over on top of him and tell him you want to kiss him again.' _She breathed in and then let it out. _'One. Two. Three.'_

Without hesitation, she forced herself to roll over the rest of the way so that she was laying on top of him, holding herself up with her hands and staring down at him. His eyes were now open and wide as he caught hers. His lips twisted up into a half-smirk that was extremely tempting. Bonnie glanced down at his lips and then back up to his eyes. "Do you think it would be moving too fast if we just kissed a little more?"

"Definitely not." His grin stretched even further across his face and he waggled his brow at her playfully. Lifting his hand he ran his fingers gently through her hair before cupping the back of her neck. "As long as you can stop yourself." He teased.

Bonnie scoffed and rolled her eyes at his cockiness. "Oh, I'll be able to stop myself."

"You sure about that?" Damon asked his eyes dancing with playfulness.

"I'm sure. In fact, if you keep it up I might just have to stop myself right now." Bonnie laughed and started to push herself up into a seated position so that she could climb off of him, but he gently pulled her back down toward him and pressed his lips to hers in a heated and passionate kiss. She didn't object as she started to kiss him back with equal fever.

She moaned against his lips as he ran his tongue along her full bottom lip causing her mouth to part eagerly, she wanted to feel and taste him again. His tongue invaded her mouth and started a dance with hers, as he tangled his fingers in her long dark hair and pulled her closer to him. Bonnie could feel every little touch, every move of his hips, and she was intoxicated by his scent surrounding her and the taste of his mouth. She had never felt anything like this before.

Not being on drugs really made her appreciate things differently.

Before, nothing could compete with the high that she had felt. But, this was definitely a competitor.

Damon moaned when Bonnie rocked her hips against him and his arousal was visibly growing now. She could feel him against her, but that wasn't their objective, not tonight. Tonight they were just going to make out and get lost in the feeling of each other. As much as she wanted to alleviate the aching between her thighs she didn't dare go there. She wasn't ready.

Tangling her fingers into his hair, she pulled it and he let out another sound of approval as he kissed her harder. She could feel his toned chest pressed tightly against her and it caused her body to react. But, she didn't push the limits.

Pulling out of the kiss, Damon stared up into Bonnie's dark desire-filled eyes and he licked over his lips. He wasn't quite wearing a smile, but the look on his face said that he was pleased with what was going on. Leaning in he pressed heated kisses along her jawline and down across her neck. Earlier it had been completely exposed to him and all he had wanted to do was kiss it and sink his teeth into it. Which he did. He didn't bite hard enough to hurt her, just hard enough to cause a surge of pleasure to coarse through her body and a moan to escape her lips.

"God." Bonnie muttered under her breath as she felt his teeth against her skin. It felt amazing.

Damon smirked and he continued to kiss down her neck toward her collarbone. Once there, he ran his tongue along the sensitive skin of it before biting down again. She shuddered and let out a gasp when he did so and he was finding it difficult not to push further. But, he stopped. He didn't want to ruin things with her.

His hands were now on her hips and they were teasing the bottom of her shirt, gently pressing beneath the fabric and into her hipbones, causing goosebumps to rise. She loved the way that his skin felt against her own. As his fingers inched even higher, tracing the muscles in her toned stomach she blushed and shivered under his touch.

_'God damn that feels good...'_

Suddenly, both of them were shocked out of their arousal when they heard someone walking down the hallway toward her room. They heard them stop at the room beside them and they knew that the person was one of the workers checking on the rooms.

"Shit." Damon whispered, his heart jumping into his throat and his ears pounding loudly as he panicked. He no longer had to worry about thinking about disgusting thoughts, that was for sure.

Bonnie quickly rolled over so that he could get out of the bed. When she saw the light of a flashlight coming toward the door, she pushed him causing him to nearly stumble and fall. Damon turned and gave her a look like 'what was that for?' She returned the look with a look that said, 'Hurry the fuck up.' He rushed toward the wall on the opposite side of the bed and he stood behind it, praying that the worker wouldn't walk in to see if she was okay.

Damon stood as still as he could while he waited for the worker to leave. He was so scared that he wasn't even breathing. If they got caught they would be sent to separate institutions and he couldn't handle the thought of that. They'd never see each other again more than likely.

"Are you alright in here?" He heard someone say, his heart pounding so loudly that he could barely hear the worker at all.

Bonnie was laying in the bed facing away from the worker and praying that they would just leave her alone. But, she must have looked too stiff or something because the worker started to head into the room. His flashlight pointed directly at the bed. Damon could see the light coming closer and his heart stopped as he continued to hold his breath. _'Fuck. Please. Stop. Walking. Now.' _

"Are you alright?"

_'I Didn't Have The Heart To Tell You,_

_It's Bad. It's Really Bad.'_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Wow! Thank you guys for so many reviews! They were all so wonderful! I'm so happy that you guys are enjoying my intimate moments between Bamon... I really never have written those type of scenes between a man and a woman so I was very insecure. BUT because y'all gave me so many wonderful reviews I decided to add another chapter really fast for you guys! And I added a little bit more of a make out scene because I thought you guys deserved it! Of course no sex yet, but this should suffice for the moment. Oh yeah, and about that cliffhanger, what do y'all think? Hehe. :)) How did you guys like the make out scene? Did y'all enjoy the Rebekoline? What about Rebekah's story? What do you guys think she went through? **

**If you guys have ANY suggestions for this story PLEASE send them my way! I will probably add them into the fic!**

**Thank you guys so much and I love you all! 33**

**-Tracy Cook**


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